» Bare Cheek: What’s Not On
Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
Doomed cash-in musicals based on recent Hollywood films
ANCHORMAN
Lee Evans and Connie Fisher star in Cameron Mackintosh’s adaptation of the 2004 hit comedy. Songs include ‘Here Is The News’, ‘Not On My Watch’ and ‘Autocue Blues.’
KNOCKED UP
Robert Webb and Sarah Harding in The Really Useful Theatre Company’s adaptation of the Seth Rogan runaway hit. Songs include ‘Eggs Over Easy’, ‘How Did I Ever Let Someone Like Him Leave Something Like This In My Life’, and ‘Just Get It Outa Me’.
FAILURE TO LAUNCH
Alan Davies and Samantha
Janus star in this unconvincingly anglicised adaptation of the 2006
E4 standby romcom. Songs include ‘Mum And Dad Know Best’, ‘Strictly Cash Only’, and ‘Strange New Feeling’.
DODGEBALL
Martin Freeman and Mackenzie Crook in Stephen Daldry’s adaptation of Stiller/Vaughn generic sports comedy. Songs include ‘Abs and Pecs’, ‘Shiver Me Timbers’ and ‘It’s Not The Taking Part, It’s The Winning’.
BRONSON
Another brave change of direction for Michael Ball as he swaps his ‘50s beehive for a false moustache in this RSC production of the grim British 2008 biopic. Songs include ‘Tighten The Screw’, ‘The Slopping Out Tango’ and ‘Lights Out For Love’.
An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original,
simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of ghastly, overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms.
WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Gift”
Ugly verbal back formation from the identical noun which seemingly came to prominence in the mid-Noughties, which makes all who use it sound like that big, fat Polynesian woman in South Pacific. “I’m going to gift you this token”, “I gifted Sarah an iPhone”, “The team are in danger of gifting this match to their opponents”.
WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “Give”
