» Bare cheek
Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
BARE CHEEK’S EXPERT ON ALL MATTERS GREEN, SAMANTHA GREENE. ADVISES ON ALL YOUR ECO WORRIES AND WOES
Dear Samantha… My wife and I are always careful to use energy-saving light bulbs, but I’m afraid we are having a bit of a “discussion” as to which wattage is better for the environment. My wife maintains that higher wattage bulbs both use more energy and burn out more quickly than lower wattage ones, but I’m not sure this is the case. Please let us know as there’s a box of chocs (organic of course!) riding on your answer!
Tim, Freshfield Road
Dear Tim…In about twenty years the only illumination available will be the flaming torches held by ravening bands of scavengers who roam the blasted surface of the earth in search of precious human flesh to consume, so you might as well use as many high-wattage light bulbs as you like.
Hope this has been of help, Samantha
Big in 2010
BARE CHEEK PREDICTS WHAT’S GOING TO BE POPULAR IN THE COMING YEAR
• Keelhauling
• “Oh, Whistle And I’ll Come To You, My Lad”
• Whitstable
• Accidentally typing “the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog” instead of “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”
• Shirley Conran
• The Traveling Wilburys
• Digging your own grave
• Marathon dancing
