» Dani’s diary
Dani is finding that taking her vitamins might just be doing the trick
I feel quite inspired. It may be the vitamin B I’m taking. I think I said already that I think it’s making a difference and now I’m quite sure of the fact. It could be because I am thinking a bit clearer. It could be because I feel like I understand myself a bit better, or it could be because that Aero advert is back on TV. But whatever it is, I am happy it’s happened.
At first, I was quite confused about how to deal with the fact that I was waking up and feeling normal. Well, the hard part wasn’t dealing with it, so much as actually recognising that what I was feeling was normality. After a year of feeling like I’m waking up standing on the edge of a cliff it has been oddly hard to suddenly be waking up okay.
I’m not saying that everything is great all the time, but for the past week or two things have just been easier. It feels like a bit of a weight has been lifted. I am now making decisions about what I want to be doing in a year or five years and it’s taking some time to get used to it. It’s insane isn’t it, who would have ever thought that anyone would have to try and get used to feeling normal? Although I imagine lots of people experience that feeling, after suffering from an illness or going through a tragedy eventually you will start to feel normal. But I think I’m being sensible about it, I’m not expecting too much from myself. I am trying not to get my hopes up too high, because there will be downfalls, and there have already been a couple times where I feel bad again, but the turnaround seems to be a bit quicker.
“I got on two buses in one week, one of which I did on my own”
Even when things have upset me, it hasn’t affected my nerves as it would have done. If I was going to go deeper into it, I would say that perhaps the reason it hasn’t affected me so badly is because I’m not that bothered anymore, but lets not go there! Going there might give us the result that, in actual fact, I’m not actually better, it’s just the fact that the things that would have really hurt before have hurt so many times that now I’m numb from them.
Maybe that whole ‘if you put good ‘vibes’ out you get good ‘vibes’ back’ thing is true. I felt good, bought a lotto ticket and won a tenner. Not quite the 20 grand I wanted, but still, it’s a plus. I realise it’s quite ridiculous to say that I won £10 on the lottery because I’m taking vitamin B but like I said, I’m feeling inspired!
I want to go out to work so I can save for all the things I have planned for next year. I am learning to drive and can just about do a three-point turn. I got on two buses in one week, one of which I did on my own, which may sound like one of the most trivial, stupid things ever but for me it felt like I had conquered the world. Even when I sent a text message to everyone I know who realises what it means and never got one back, I didn’t care. What might be an everyday thing to you was a mountain to me, and I bloody well climbed it!
