Latest Homes magazine

With Louisa Bell of City and Country Gardens

Design and construction

Speedy gravel
Gravel is quite often used in a low cost situation. It’s a good, inexpensive ground cover and if you use a membrane underneath it, then weeds won’t push through. This doesn’t stop them seeding into the gravel itself, but they’re easily removed with a good rake now and again. I don’t like using gravel on its own as a complete cover, but used in conjunction with other paving and planting it can look really quite attractive. If you plant special plants that will sprawl across the paving and choose the position of the paving carefully, a new patio can be created quite inexpensively. Gravel also helps if you already have an existing concrete courtyard or patio and can’t afford to dig all of this out. You need to be careful not to go above the damp proof course on your house (this is the line you can often see around the base of the walls) but if you make sure that the gravel is near the house, you haven’t created an impermeable surface that rain cannot pass through. You can then place any paving away from the house adjoining the gravel. If you’ve got the strength, you can break up some of the old paving where you’re going to put the gravel, and that’s where the lovely sprawling plants can go. A small courtyard garden can be transformed with a small amount of paving, planting and gravel.

The other good thing about gravel is that it’s instant. You can buy a bulk bag from Travis Perkins, delivered, for about £45 and that will go a long way. If you prefer, you can choose a Cotswold stone type chipping and that will cost around £110. It looks more expensive too. If you go over to your local builders’ merchants, they will be able to show you different types of stone and different sizes too. A normal gravel will come in a 20mm size. Cobbles are larger at 40mm. There is also a 10mm pea shingle, which is self explanatory.

Gravel is also sold in smaller bags if you find you can’t handle the large bulk bags. Again, most builders’ merchants will deliver out to you – often free of charge and small quantities too. These bags are often grubby to handle, but not too heavy. I base most things on whether I can lift them or not, and usually buy my potting compost in the smaller bags just because I can then carry them from the car to the garden. Smaller bags are, of course, a bit more expensive but weighed up against the osteopaths charge it usually makes sense. It’s not just the builders merchants that will deliver out to you nowadays. As well as buying your shopping online, you can order pretty much anything from the nursery and have it delivered. If you know that you want bags of soil and trays of plants you can ring through an order and have it delivered in a couple of days. With the joy of shopping completely taken away now that nurseries sell too many remaindered books, jars of jam and candles, delivery is the way to pretend that things are just the way they used to be. Oh, am I getting old?!

Plants

Clever Ivy
What a bad name this little plant can get. It’s so clever, and can cover such a huge expanse of stonework or tree trunk, we’re all a bit paranoid about cutting it down. True, its roots can work their way into brickwork or crumbling masonry and cause problems but generally in the garden it can cover unsightly sheds, garages and fences quite quickly. Also, it provides the perfect habitat for nesting birds. In the winter it’s a great plant to put into pots. Most people forget about their pots in the winter. They spend hours, and pounds, potting them all up in the summer. Bedding plants, potting compost, miracle grow and hours watering. Yet in the summer they’re just left with brown straggly plants and dead geraniums looking awful in the garden. I clear all my pots out at the end of the season and plant some up with tulip bulbs. The rest get planted with trailing ivy, pansies or violas and hyacinths. For bigger pots you can add small conifers and heathers for colour.

Place a couple of pots by the main doors in and out of the house. Add cyclamen and flowering primroses as you see them in the shops – just popping them into a space in the pot and then replacing them as they die off. I have different types of trailing ivies in my old terracotta pots that I keep on the table outside my window. I move different pots of bulbs and primroses to add to the display throughout the winter, but the ivy is there constantly. It also looks wonderful in the summer combined with white roses. If you keep it cut back hard to a framework it can grace any building. For a good hard-working climber, evergreen and lovely for cutting and adding to an indoor vase of flowers, you can’t really go wrong.

Things to do

Busy, busy and climate change
It’s suddenly getting busy! Well, it is for an anorak gardener like me. According to my wonderful old Readers Digest Book it’s time to plant rhubarb, chit my potatoes and plant my sweet peas. Early potatoes can be started off in trays to sprout and if you don’t have much room you can grow them in a big old pot or dustbin once they’re ready to go out. The first early potatoes have the most wonderful taste. Chitting them means encouraging the first little sprouts to appear. Once they have sprouted you can put them into the earth and as the sprouted part pushes up out of the earth, you cover them back over again. This encourages lots of little potatoes to form on the shoots. When you dig them up, the skins just wash off. They only take ten minutes to cook. Add melted butter and a poached egg on top. It’s food fit for a king.

City & Country Gardens
For all the things in your garden – talk to us!
01273 202115 / 01903 892285
www.city-gardens.net

The Paul O’Grady Show’s Marc Abraham on the flirting habits of male toads and how you can get in on the action

“Why did the toad cross the road?”
This is not another rubbish cracker joke left over from Christmas, but a very serious question indeed. Our local toads will soon be starting to migrate – returning to the same ponds where they were themselves spawned; and often having to travel up to half a mile across fields and busy roads to reach their destinations – and then once they’ve got there trying to find the energy to breed! But did you know that each year it is estimated that this perilous journey claims an incredible 25 per cent of toad populations – squashed crossing our busy roads and ‘peaceful’ country lanes.

“Hundreds of toads can be found crossing roads”

Common toads are native to this country and sadly a declining species. An increasing number of toad habitats have roads right through their migration routes and as natural habitats decrease, it’s important to restrict these tragic road casualties.

The Sussex Amphibian and Reptile Group (SARG) was set up in 1986 to raise the profile of both reptile and amphibian species native to Sussex, and also to increase our understanding of them. As well as protecting important sites, and educating and informing the public, SARG is also responsible for co-ordinating toad crossing patrols and liaising with local authorities and landowners on all matters of reptile and amphibian conservation.

Members of SARG patrol areas with flashlights and buckets; and helping toads across the roads by gently picking them up, putting them in the buckets and releasing them on the other side of the road. On some nights hundreds of toads can be found crossing the road and it’s quite a sight seeing them move en masse.

Image: Paul Sevens

Despite all the hard work from the SARG volunteers, male toads really don’t make it easy for themselves, as they like to be in the open and display to the females to attract them – often slap-bang in the middle of our country lanes.

Toad patrols are also important for collecting data that helps to asses the status of toad populations. SARG are always looking for keen and able volunteers to join them. Although the work is sometimes cold and wet, it’s really rewarding. This year SARG are looking for volunteers in Lewes, Uckfield and Newhaven. So if you are fit and able and would like to do your bit to help the reptiles and amphibians of Sussex, or know about an existing toad crossing we may not be aware about please contact Sussex Wildlife Trust on 01273 497523 for more information.

To learn more about SARG visit www.uksafari.com/sarg
Thanks to Sussex Wildlife Trust for helping me compile this column

The Landlady

One of my pet hates is people – commonly of the older generation – who bang on about how Facebook and Myspace have destroyed society’s ability to communicate. I was at a party recently when a very nice, well-educated chap, of about my age, was saying just that, claiming that social values were rapidly disintegrating because most teenagers spend their lives sitting in front of one screen or another. In my opinion, this kind of talk is exactly like that of older people who dismiss modern music as ‘rubbish’ and think that everything began and ended with Bob Dylan. Now, although I’d love to, I’ve never been on Myspace or Facebook in my life as I have many other things that I ought to be doing and, once I’ve done those, I have many more things that I would like to do and none of them involve sitting at a computer. Even though I’m unlikely to do it myself, I do think that such activities have given an interest to people who would otherwise do nothing.

Believe me, I know what I’m talking about as, growing up in the 1970s and having little desire to do anything but sprawl on the floor watching Little House on the Prairie, and later, smoking while watching myself in the mirror, I am one of those very people who would have benefited massively from the intervention of Facebook. All of those horrid Sunday afternoons, with old people snoring and me waiting for the Top 20 to come on could have been transformed.

“I am one of those very people who would have benefited massively from the intervention of Facebook”

I remember during the school holidays back in the early ‘70s, when the TV only came on at lunchtime, myself and my little pal Richard Wheeldon would sit for hours on end in front of the Test Card waiting for Watch With Mother to come on. OK, so sometimes we would dance a bit to the music which accompanied The Test Card – which was not Bob Dylan – but generally our young lives were swathed in total inertia. Lord only knows who was supposed to be looking after us while all this Test Card watching was going on, but certainly no one ever told us to switch it off. Even as I got older, I had no desire to take up needlepoint, go on long walks, form a knitting circle, learn close-magic, or write my first novel, and spent most of my time experimenting with make-up, listening to very loud music and, erm, smoking. In spite of all this isolation and lack of pastimes, I think I have become a fairly sociable adult who can hold a decent conversation, which is quite an achievement.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that Facebook and the like have filled a huge, gaping void for those people who haven’t got anything better to do and would otherwise be smoking while watching themselves in the mirror, or worse. The Big Daughter – who has never taken up smoking as a pastime – is a big subscriber to Facebook, whereas The Big Son has now given up smoking, and although he is much less inert than he used to be, would sooner lie on his side doing nothing. Meanwhile, The Small Daughter spent last Sunday afternoon ‘making clothes’ with real scissors and needles at her friend Eleanor’s house and would much rather be doing that than sitting in front of any type of screen. This all goes to show that people have done and always will do what they want and no amount of Facebook will ever make an iota of difference…

How to prepare a nursery for your baby which incorporates practicality, forward-thinking and style

Will 2008 bring a new addition to your family?
Babies may be small, but they seem to come with a lot of equipment. Modern nursery furniture combines sleek design with tricks – multi-tasking, multi-storage items that will help you to avoid any unnecessary sleepless nights. Time spent planning storage and space now will pay dividends later, so put your feet up and let Latest Interiors give you the lowdown on bringing baby home.

Wooden playroom furniture, from £60 from John Lewis – www.johnlewis.co.uk

Sleep, baby, sleep

One of the first things prospective parents spend their money on is a cot, for which the options are endless. Start simply: cots with adjustable mattress levels are useful, as you keep the mattress high (for easy access) when baby is little, and move it down as they get older to prevent climbing out. If you want something that will last, then a cot bed – which converts to a junior bed later – might be the perfect solution. Look out for models with under-unit storage. Vintage cots and old family pieces look beautiful, but do check that they meet current safety regulations. If not, opt for something simple, sleek and Scandinavian in natural wood.

‘Dwell’ baby blanket £29 from John Lewis – www.johnlewis.co.uk

One or both parents will spend many hours feeding baby, so invest in a comfy chair to put next to the cot. At three in the morning, a good chair (and some warm slippers) makes the world seem a much nicer place. Many companies sell special ‘glider’ and rocking chairs, which also help soothe baby (and you if you’re not careful) back to sleep, although a vintage rocking chair (with a nice soft cushion!) will do the job just as well. Black-out blinds or curtains are also helpful, particularly if you have a summer-born baby.

Storage and playtime

You might think that baby won’t need much storage space, but it is truly amazing how quickly clothes and toys pile up. A good, solid chest of drawers is a must-have, and you can
save space by choosing one that has an integral changing table (that can be removed later) on top. A wardrobe rail is optional at this stage, as tiny clothes get a bit lost on hangers. If you have a wardrobe or fitted unit, ensure that there is plenty of shelf and box storage inside.

‘Deco’ nursery furniture, from £300, above left: , above right: ‘Dwell’ baby blanket, £29 all from www.johnlewis.com

Toy storage is absolutely essential – as soon as junior starts moving around, bits of wood and plastic will slowly invade every corner of your home. Start off with simple baskets and boxes if you like (toddlers love to unpack them), but if you can afford it, then a good-sized toy box can be a godsend. Modular units with pull-out boxes also work very well. For a more finished look, bespoke storage is the perfect solution for children’s rooms: alcove, under-cot and wall space can be utilised to your advantage, and co-ordinated with the rest of the room.

It may be tempting to theme the nursery in bright pink or baby blue, but you’ll get more use from nursery furniture if you opt for high quality pieces in neutral colours and finishes. They’ll withstand more use, and won’t look dated as children age and grow out of pre-school colours. Give the room some kidappeal with funky, coloured quilts, boxes, rugs, pictures and cushions that are simple to replace later. Children grow, so choose furniture and pieces that can grow with them.

Andrew Kay on woolies, wellies and four wheel drives

Are you as concerned about global warming as I am? I mean it has been a particularly mild winter so far, a bit wet and drab maybe, with a few cold snaps. But on the whole it hasn’t been a ‘three-woolies-and-a-vest’ type of winter as yet. That said, by the time you read this it could be sub-zero, with drifts of snow and black ice.

I grew up with snow, living as I did in Lancashire. When it snowed it stuck and when it stuck the school buses did not run. It was a four mile walk from our house to school along a winding country lane. Being on the edge of the Lancashire plain meant that the wind would blow in from the Irish Sea and whip across the flat open farm-land like a blade. If there was snow it would very soon drift on the bends in the road and make matters far worse.

‘‘Like any boy, I would seize the opportunity to skip school and snow always seemed legitimate to me’’

Of course like any boy, I would seize the opportunity to skip school and snow always seemed fairly legitimate to me, what with the eight mile round hike. Mum was having none of it and invented a rather ingenious rule. If snow stopped the school bus, I had to set off on foot. I was only allowed to turn back if and when the snow level came above the top of my wellington boots.

Now I was always a strapping great lump of a teenager with size ten feet by the time I was thirteen. Consequently, my boots were that bit taller than your average teenage lads and I would plough on into the white for longer than most kids. To be honest I was usually alone, I was the only boy from our end of the village that went to the grammar school.

Funnily enough, I never thought to tip snow into the top of my wellies and fake a snow level that merited abandoning the walk. Honestly, I could never do anything like that. I never shoplifted either – I still break out in a sweat at the very idea of it.

Of course the crisp snow at those temperatures would compact under foot and adhere itself to the sole of a rubber boot thus raising your level even further above the required line. It was a lose-lose situation. Even more so when I would trudge into the school playground only to be greeted by the headmaster waving a few vigilant boys away and declaring school closed due to adverse weather conditions. Now global warming has put pay to that, and anyway, these days most kids are ferried the short hop to their place in some fuel guzzling four-wheeled Chelsea tractor. It’s a vicious circle is it not?

The Paul O’Grady Show’s Marc Abraham celebrates the fact that it’s officially National Rabbit Week!

If you are the proud owner of one (or more) of Britain’s third most popular pets, you’re thinking about getting one, or just a big fan of lagomorphs in general, then read on.

Traditionally, rabbits have always been seen as the ideal children’s pet, seemingly requiring less care and attention than, say, our most popular pets – dogs and cats. However this belief has never been further from the truth, as more is discovered about the diet and nutritional needs of Britain’s two million pet rabbits.

Three out of four rabbits seen by us vets have trouble with their teeth, usually because they grow too long. Painful dental problems are distressing for rabbits; they can cause mouth ulcers and even be fatal. However, they can be easily avoided – in most cases simply by ensuring your pet is given the right food.

“Rabbits have 7,000 more taste buds than humans so give them some variety in their diet”

Hay, or forage, is not just for sleeping on – it’s the most important part of your rabbit’s diet. Good quality forage has loads of health benefits, including maintaining healthy teeth, which can grow up to 3mm a week; so chewing forage keeps them naturally, ground-down.

Vital bacteria living in rabbit’s intestines are notoriously sensitive to even the slightest of changes in their environment, so it’s crucial that their gut is kept healthy too, with a well-balanced feed, preferably in ‘nugget’ form, and high levels of fibre. Hay will also help to prevent boredom, as foraging will keep your rabbit entertained for hours.

Please don’t feed a muesli mix, as your rabbit will simply pick out the bits it likes and leave the rest, missing out on vital nutrients. It may look more appetising to us than an extruded food, but the position of their eyes means that rabbits can’t effectively see what they’re eating.

Already one in three rabbits in the UK is obese. Help your rabbit lose weight by providing lots of exercise and feeding a reduced-calorie food.

Rabbits have 7,000 more taste buds than humans so give them some variety in their diet by offering healthy treats such as fresh greens, chunks of carrot, broccoli or apple cores; but feed them in moderation.

Keep vaccinations up-to-date, especially if they’re fed grass outdoors. Myxomatosis is fatal, and still common in wild rabbit populations.

Finally, never feed your rabbit human food. Some human food is poisonous to rabbits, so please don’t take the risk.

For more information, visit www.nationalrabbitweek.co.uk

With Louisa Bell of City and Country Gardens

Design and construction

Stone ethics
For once I am pleased to hear that prices are going up. Indian sandstone has been used within the construction industry for some years now. Sandstone is a good, durable and attractive paving material. It comes in many colours – some called sandstone, but actually limestone. However, it’s often chosen by contractors not because of its aesthetic appearance, but because it can be bought cheaply. Many small, independent importers jumped on the sandstone bandwagon and imported crates of stone to sell on to garden centres, builders’ merchants and landscape companies. However, sandstone was cheap for only one reason. Women and children are used to quarry the stone in India, earning 60p per day.

Because of pressure from concerned parties, and contractors who insist on sandstone from ethical sources, the price of sandstone will rise this year – in some cases by 38 per cent. How can it be that stone, all the way from India, which is quarried and transported thousands of miles and involving many people in the supply chain, can be cheaper than a locally bought and quarried stone? It’s quite simple when you don’t pay any of that supply chain properly or decently.

Many builders’ merchants, including Travis Perkins, Marshalls and Benton Weatherstone, make absolutely sure that their sandstone is ethically sourced. Their entire Indian supply chain, right back to the quarries themselves, is audited to ensure compliance with the International Labour Organisation. Sandstone comes in a number of paving sizes, but the smaller ‘setts’ are often made by children. Marshalls import larger pieces of stone and make the setts themselves at their processing plant.

A well-run and legislated quarry will not employ women and children and will use proper protective equipment. They will also provide welfare and sick-pay for their workers. Quite often the workers live on site too, so the constant dust at the quarry can cause breathing issues – similar to ‘miner’s lung’. Sandstone will be used for 20 per cent of the UK domestic paving in the next ten years and I believe it is extremely important to be aware of the impact of irresponsible quarrying – both in human and environmental terms.

As a company, we only use suppliers of Indian sandstone whom we know to adhere to the strict code of practice for the manufacture and supply. If you use a contractor to build a patio or steps for you, please check the authenticity of the products they supply to you. The same strict code of practice applies to wood products too. The difference between checking and not caring could mean a world of difference to a child worker.

Plants

Pussy willow and catkins
These are the first signs of Spring in the hedgerows. I love seeing the trees coming back to life after their winter dormancy. On a blowy March day, when the sun starts to shine with more strength and light than the pale wintery imposter we’ve had to put up with, the catkins jump about on the end of branches like a live thing. They’re also known as lamb’s tails. They do look a bit like them when they wriggle about. Catkins appear on the trees before the leaves because they’re the wind-pollinated way for the tree to reproduce. The wind blows the catkins about and they’re covered in pollen. The pollen has a chance to blow onto the stigmas of the female flowers and fertilise them.

If there were leaves on the tree, the pollen would get stuck on the leaves. Nature is being brilliant as always. Pussy Willow is also a pollen-covered way of reproduction. It’s said that a Willow tree once bent down and fished some drowning kittens out of a fast flowing river and ever since, the willow tree has had tiny kittens on the end of its branches each Spring, though this story does make mefeel a bit queasy. I like the straightforward pollen-without-the-leaves bit myself. If you cut the branches, they last for ages (but please don’t cut them in the wild). In some areas they are carried on Palm Sunday. I like to buy a few branches to mix with daffodils in a big jug on the hall table. It makes me feel that Spring is just around the corner.

Things to do

Pea sticks
Carefully keep removing the dead leaves and debris from the flower beds. I say carefully, because bulbs and special things are certainly starting to come through now. Keep the soil forked gently around the emerging bulbs and herbaceous leaves. Treat new shoots and shrubs (not paeonies – they don’t like it) to a bucketful of well rotted manure, or a handful of fish blood and bone (sounds delightful). Keep an eye on wind-blown branches and shrubs and cut back any broken or dead wood. At this time of the year, when the leaves are all off the trees and shrubs, you can really see the infrastructure and work out what needs removing. Be careful not to prune Spring-flowering shrubs because you’ll probably prune off all the flowers that have been growing on the branches since last year. As a rule of thumb, prune Spring-flowering things after they’ve flowered, not before. Keep tying-in your roses. Somehow they still seem to be putting on growth.

If your garden’s not too frosty you can start to prune your roses back too into the framework you want. It’s all about tidiness and order at this time of year. Putting in supports for herbaceous plants now will be much better than wading in there with bamboo canes and bits of string in June. A border that looks like a trussed chicken is no border at all! If you shop around, you can still buy things called Pea Sticks to placeall around your taller herbaceous plants – like lupins, delphiniums and paeonies. Push the sticks gently in a circle around the new leaves and the sticks will support the growth throughout the season. By the time June arrives, you won’t be able to see the sticks at all, just a lovely display of plants. And no trussed-up chicken borders.

With Louisa Bell of City and Country Gardens

Design and construction

Stone ethics
For once I am pleased to hear that prices are going up. Indian sandstone has been used within the construction industry for some years now. Sandstone is a good, durable and attractive paving material. It comes in many colours – some called sandstone, but actually limestone. However, it’s often chosen by contractors not because of its aesthetic appearance, but because it can be bought cheaply. Many small, independent importers jumped on the sandstone bandwagon and imported crates of stone to sell on to garden centres, builders’ merchants and landscape companies. However, sandstone was cheap for only one reason. Women and children are used to quarry the stone in India, earning 60p per day.

Because of pressure from concerned parties, and contractors who insist on sandstone from ethical sources, the price of sandstone will rise this year – in some cases by 38 per cent. How can it be that stone, all the way from India, which is quarried and transported thousands of miles and involving many people in the supply chain, can be cheaper than a locally bought and quarried stone? It’s quite simple when you don’t pay any of that supply chain properly or decently.

Many builders’ merchants, including Travis Perkins, Marshalls and Benton Weatherstone, make absolutely sure that their sandstone is ethically sourced. Their entire Indian supply chain, right back to the quarries themselves, is audited to ensure compliance with the International Labour Organisation. Sandstone comes in a number of paving sizes, but the smaller ‘setts’ are often made by children. Marshalls import larger pieces of stone and make the setts themselves at their processing plant.

A well-run and legislated quarry will not employ women and children and will use proper protective equipment. They will also provide welfare and sick-pay for their workers. Quite often the workers live on site too, so the constant dust at the quarry can cause breathing issues – similar to ‘miner’s lung’. Sandstone will be used for 20 per cent of the UK domestic paving in the next ten years and I believe it is extremely important to be aware of the impact of irresponsible quarrying – both in human and environmental terms.

As a company, we only use suppliers of Indian sandstone whom we know to adhere to the strict code of practice for the manufacture and supply. If you use a contractor to build a patio or steps for you, please check the authenticity of the products they supply to you. The same strict code of practice applies to wood products too. The difference between checking and not caring could mean a world of difference to a child worker.

Plants

Pussy willow and catkins
These are the first signs of Spring in the hedgerows. I love seeing the trees coming back to life after their winter dormancy. On a blowy March day, when the sun starts to shine with more strength and light than the pale wintery imposter we’ve had to put up with, the catkins jump about on the end of branches like a live thing. They’re also known as lamb’s tails. They do look a bit like them when they wriggle about. Catkins appear on the trees before the leaves because they’re the wind-pollinated way for the tree to reproduce. The wind blows the catkins about and they’re covered in pollen. The pollen has a chance to blow onto the stigmas of the female flowers and fertilise them.

If there were leaves on the tree, the pollen would get stuck on the leaves. Nature is being brilliant as always. Pussy Willow is also a pollen-covered way of reproduction. It’s said that a Willow tree once bent down and fished some drowning kittens out of a fast flowing river and ever since, the willow tree has had tiny kittens on the end of its branches each Spring, though this story does make mefeel a bit queasy. I like the straightforward pollen-without-the-leaves bit myself. If you cut the branches, they last for ages (but please don’t cut them in the wild). In some areas they are carried on Palm Sunday. I like to buy a few branches to mix with daffodils in a big jug on the hall table. It makes me feel that Spring is just around the corner.

Things to do

Pea sticks
Carefully keep removing the dead leaves and debris from the flower beds. I say carefully, because bulbs and special things are certainly starting to come through now. Keep the soil forked gently around the emerging bulbs and herbaceous leaves. Treat new shoots and shrubs (not paeonies – they don’t like it) to a bucketful of well rotted manure, or a handful of fish blood and bone (sounds delightful). Keep an eye on wind-blown branches and shrubs and cut back any broken or dead wood. At this time of the year, when the leaves are all off the trees and shrubs, you can really see the infrastructure and work out what needs removing. Be careful not to prune Spring-flowering shrubs because you’ll probably prune off all the flowers that have been growing on the branches since last year. As a rule of thumb, prune Spring-flowering things after they’ve flowered, not before. Keep tying-in your roses. Somehow they still seem to be putting on growth.

If your garden’s not too frosty you can start to prune your roses back too into the framework you want. It’s all about tidiness and order at this time of year. Putting in supports for herbaceous plants now will be much better than wading in there with bamboo canes and bits of string in June. A border that looks like a trussed chicken is no border at all! If you shop around, you can still buy things called Pea Sticks to placeall around your taller herbaceous plants – like lupins, delphiniums and paeonies. Push the sticks gently in a circle around the new leaves and the sticks will support the growth throughout the season. By the time June arrives, you won’t be able to see the sticks at all, just a lovely display of plants. And no trussed-up chicken borders.

Matt McGuire finds himself chatting to a local heroine in need of all our help and respect

It’s Help The Aged Week this week at Faces. So ready your reminiscing receptors and perhaps even donate a Euro or two.

The honourable lady in question has just turned 97, boasts a slate grey complexion and is rather generously proportioned. She’s also a roof. The roof of the wonderful Duke of York’s cinema to be precise.

Being an ageing structure, she’s sadly not as well as she once was and so an appeal has been launched to save her. I went along for a chat to find out how it was going. “Well, my appeal’s been running since September of last year,” began the roof. “It was my 97th birthday, as it goes – a lovely day. And, well, yes, I’m simply overjoyed at the progress so far.”

The appeal is for £25,000 and so far £15,000 has been raised. “It’s just so good of everyone to chip in to try and help out,” she beamed. “I wouldn’t have thought it possible for so many people to be so nice. I’ve seen a lot of changes to the town in my years up here, but this just proves you shouldn’t believe everything you hear. People are still lovely.”

After providing nearly a century of top notch sheltering, the roof of this fantastic Grade II listed building has sadly begun to fail of late and repairs are essential if the UK’s oldest purpose-built cinema is to survive.

“Monies have been raised via sales of delicious Roof Appeal cake, a fund raising screening of All About Eve and general donations. But there’s also seat sponsorship,” added the roof. “That last one’s great: for £100 you get a plaque on your favourite seat, along with a dedication. There’s been a super response, and the likes of Steven Berkoff – who I’ve always had a soft spot for, Norman Cook, Lynne Truss and Alistair McGowan have all got involved, as well as a lot of local companies. I really am so chuffed.”

Until now, The Duke of York’s has led a charmed existence, free in the main from vandalism and accidents and even avoiding bombing throughout the Second World War.

“Though we did have a machine gun positioned on the lower balcony [outside the current café/bar] during that time,” recalls the roof. “That was awfully exciting!”

Help ensure the old lady gets to see many more exciting days (and help keep your popcorn dry) by making a donation today.

The Duke Of York’s Picturehouse roof, Duke Of York’s Picturehouse, Preston Circus, Brighton BN1 4NA | Map
Tel: 01273 818 549
Visit: www.picturehouses.co.uk

The Landlady

As almost every Tom, Dick and Harry these days knows, being a landlord/lady can be a right pain in the bum. That is, if you bother to do it properly. Last week, I had a very unwelcome call from the man who owns the flat below my rented flat off Dyke Road. He used to live in his flat but, like most of the rest of Middle England, has decided to rent it out and bugger off to France in order to do up some kind of crumbling gite in the Dordogne. While he is doing-up said wreck, he is virtually un-contactable and appears to have no interest whatsoever in the old Brighton homestead. I have to admit that out of sight is out of mind and I would be exactly the same in his chaussures.

To be fair, he is a very nice man and was exceedingly hands-on when he did live in Brighton. He is very good at doing specialist building jobs – mainly through patience, determination and a good eye, none of which have ever come naturally to me – and has saved his fellow lessees thousands of pounds in work that he has done on the property. Unfortunately for me, he also seems to be in possession of an almost photographic memory as far as the property is concerned and this is where the unwelcome phone-call comes in.

“When the wind and rain are in the wrong direction it’s like high noon in Penang during monsoon season”

He came back for a visit over the festive period and became aware of a satellite dish which has appeared – at some time over the past four years – on the wall directly above his conservatory. Because none of the tenants who’ve lived there during that period – there have only been two – have ever asked me if they could put up a dish, I attempted to deny all knowledge of it, which is a pretty pointless exercise when the offending cable leads directly into your flat. The trouble is not with the dish per se, but with the attaching of said eyesore, and whoever did thedeed managed to make a huge hole in the wall, damage the conservatory roof and, perhaps the greatest sin of all, make a hole in the lead flashing so that, according to my neighbour, when the wind and rain are in the wrong direction, it’s like high noon in Penang during monsoon season.

My neighbour, who had to get back to France fairly urgently (who wouldn’t?), being a practical chap, had stuffed the hole full of silicone and left a very long phone message for me to sort it out. I am not sure how long silicone lasts, but if rumours about breast implants are to be believed, I think I have about 10 years in which to get round to repairing it. Joking apart, I do take this kind of thing very seriously, so I called my neighbour back as soon as I got the message to assure him that I’d give it my utmost attention next week, when I had the time to do so. He then proceeded to tell me – in almost impossibly minute detail – about the flashing, the offending cable and the virtually impenetrable wall beneath. He even threw in a rather too graphic description of the state of the sills on my bay, which, according to him have been in need of replacement for the past 10 years.

After we’d been on the phone for about half an hour, I suddenly realised that he was back in France and I was paying for the call. Gah! Happy New Year.