The Landlady
I am just back from the fabulous city of Istanbul where I spent four days with a couple of friends. Our hotel room, which could justifiably have been described as a small corridor, appeared to have been fashioned out of a mezzanine area of the hotel reception, but through the tiny window – situated at floor level – we had a perfect view of The Blue Mosque, which was literally just across the road.
The Blue Mosque is one of Istanbul’s primary tourist attractions. It reminded me of the occasion when The Ex Boyfriend and I booked into something of a hovel in Athens and opened the curtains to a centre-stage view of The Acropolis, which made the 40 Euros per night we were paying for a mozzie-ridden pit something of a bargain.
Speaking of The Devil, during our trip to Istanbul, I had several missed calls from The Ex Boyfriend, which is rather strange, as he claimed to have deleted my number. Fortunately, my phone ran out of battery on our first day, so I was no longer disturbed and able to concentrate on the marvellous sights and sounds of the Istanbul experience.
Having drunk the BA bar dry on our way over, we accepted the hotel receptionist’s offer of a beer on arrival and didn’t make it to our tiny room for at least another hour. I think the fact that we were mildly marinated contributed to us not really noticing the size of our room. Later, we staggered out in the general direction of the river Bosphorus, which, somewhat confusingly, is in every direction.
We stumbled across the fish-oriented area of Kumkapi, which is not to be recommended as it’s overrun with identical waiters trying to tempt you into their identical restaurants to eat their identical food. Furthermore, once they’ve tempted you inside with their ‘special prices’, they dump you with another waiter who feigns ignorance when the ‘special prices’ are mentioned, which is very frustrating and does not make for any repeat business as far as I’m concerned.
“He’d accepted a job in Kansas which immediately earned him the nickname of ‘Dorothy’”
Unfortunately, after we left Kumkapi, we realised that we had forgotten where our hotel was and we had to ask many people – including a rather over-familiar carpet seller – to point us in the right direction. It didn’t help that, within minutes of being there, I, as map custodian – and the person with the best eyesight to be able to read it – appeared to have lost the map.
It never reappeared and I think I must have left it on the plane along with all the empty gin and tonic miniatures, which was not very helpful.
Eventually, we found the hotel and realised that, being opposite The Blue Mosque, we should have found it rather more easily than we did. The receptionist and his friends then invited us up to the roof terrace to drink the local Efes beer, which we did. One of the guys, who was allegedly meant to be doing the night shift at the hotel, wanted to move to America and had recently missed a job in Florida.
With some trepidation that very afternoon, he’d accepted a receptionist job at a hotel in Kansas, which instantly earned him the nickname of ‘Dorothy’ from us. The reason he wanted to go to America was, not to further his career in the hotel industry, but so that he could watch every season of Seinfeld without using the subtitles. Bless… More next week.
The summer holiday season offers prime pickings to burglars, and each year unfortunate householders return home to find they’ve had some very unwelcome guests. Most burglaries are carried out by opportunistic thieves, and the Home Office report that two out of ten burglaries haven’t involved any use of force – thieves have managed to gain access through an open door or window. Before you set off on your holidays this year, allow us to come over all Crimewatch and show you how to keep those nasty burglars away.
I just keep hearing and seeing more and more about adding pattern to my home but I’m not sure where to start?
