Latest Homes magazine

Malone resolves to avoid a family Christmas at all costs, even if it means she ends up alone

Every year I worry about Christmas. If you read this column and have a memory for odd things about people you have never met, you may remember that I have never liked spending it with my family at the best of times. This is due to my mother’s pattern of being pissed by 11.57am and therefore Christmas lunch is always a series of banging and crashing and swearing from the kitchen as the Martyr prepares what is, to be fair, a bloody tasty feast. She may be an angry drunk, but my, she can cook.

You may think I’m ungrateful, hey, every family at Christmas time is crazy and has their problems. I agree, there’s no normal family, eating Christmas dinner to the soundtrack of chronic laughter and Brazil nuts being crushed, while the fire is stoked. Is there? Is that you? Hello… Can I come for Christmas?
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Andrew Kay is putting the boot in – and loving it

There are those people who find a style and stick with it. In many cases it’s a tenet that works well although there are some truly awful exceptions to the rule. The Queen’s coiffeur for one, whoever told the first lie: ‘‘Yes M’am, very nice indeed,’’ should be put in the tower. Ever since the poor woman has laboured under a ‘do’ that would be far better branded a ‘don’t’. Was there ever a naffer coiffeur?

This week I met beauty guru Eve Lom, if you don’t know the name then you have never experienced the joy of a deep cleanse. It was love at first sight, the woman is glorious, vibrant, glowing and perfectly comfortable in her wholeness. But aside from that I fell for her because she liked my red boots.
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Emma and Nick, from the Velvet lifestyle and furniture stores, answer your design questions

I read your recent suggestion for chests of drawers as storage solutions. They are great but I’m looking for something more original myself. Do you have anything at Velvet?
Rosie Clarke, Brighton

Nick says: We have just ordered in some amazing trunks – they might not be to everyone’s taste but they are certainly original (Emma has just bought some for our home). I picture them with delicate clothes draped out in a French style bedroom, or neatly stacked in a clinical white modern room with rustic floorboards.

They are large enough to store plenty of clothes or bits and bobs. Buy one or invest in a set of three (pictured). There’s something very Gucci about them. Except that prices start from just £55. If trunks aren’t to your taste then why not visit our stores for more ideas.
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Latest Interiors discovers how to bring your rooms to life with gorgeous wallpaper

The trend for wallpaper keeps going from strength to strength – in fact, it should be hanging around (sorry) for a good few seasons yet. But step away from the cabbage roses – this season, the trends are bold, brassy and even a little bit wild. Don’t sit around staring at boring walls – this week, Latest Interiors has its eye on something really quite spectacular instead.
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Building opinions with Robert Stuart Nemeth, the man with a keen eye on Brighton’s architecture

There are plenty of roads around Brighton and Hove whose names change along their lengths but just one that I know of with a different name each side.

The names of Dyke Road, Church Road and Upper North Street all change as they become Dyke Road Avenue, New Church Road and Montpelier Terrace respectively. But the case of Station Road in Portslade is entirely different for it is in fact only half of a road – widthways. The other half – the Hove side – is called Boundary Road. There are plenty of examples of sets of houses with different names to the roads on which they are situated. Indeed, Carlton Terrace on Station Road is one such case. However, I wouldn’t describe any set as a road by itself.
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Marc Abraham pays tribute to millions of lives lost in war, not just of people but of animals, birds and other creatures

Most of us will find this time of year quite emotional. This Sunday’s Remembrance parades help us reflect on how lucky we really are as a nation and how it’s all due to those brave heroes that fought for us in every bloody battle, conflict and terrible war.

But does anyone ever consider those poor animals that helped bring us peace, employed by mankind for use in warfare? They didn’t volunteer – they had no choice.
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Malone works out how she can turn words into shoes – she just needs Jazz FM and a hot water bottle

I have 35 pairs of shoes. That’s a pair for every year I have lived. That’s not just greedy, that’s some kind of problem. Why do I feel the need to make my feet pretty? Half of them I can’t wear as they are strictly for partying and I’d look like a twat down the playground in Gladiator high heels.

I’ve bought the most unpractical white shoes. I do not need white shoes, I need black flats that will go with every outfit, that will aid running for buses steering a pushchair and will last a credit crunch. I do not need white heels that cost that silly amount of money! Am I mental? Is shoe addiction some sort of disease?
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Andrew Kay resolves to assume a meaty new nom de plume

Those who know me well will be aware that I never respond to anyone who tries to shorten my name to Andy. It goes back years; my mother, who simply hated the name Andy, would draw herself up and pucker her lips so that they looked like a cat’s bottom and then if it was possible she would swipe. She seldom managed to strike but the gesture was enough to deter the overfamiliar.

It’s doubly strange that she never seems to be able to call me by my given name, usually running through a list of others: my brother, father, the names of our pets going back many years… It’s not a recent thing either, this has been going on for five decades. So it’s a good thing I have a fairly thick skin.
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Photographer Diana Frangi meets musician Chris Difford

When it comes to lyrics, my favourite song is ‘Up The Junction’. It came out in the 1979 album Cool for Cats, and marked a whole new departure in pop lyrics – earthy, witty, lively, irresistible. Close-up this week features its genius lyricist – Chris Difford, of seminal group Squeeze.

Chris can’t stop writing magical songs. His latest album, Last Temptation of Chris, had such fantastic reviews I had to buy the CD (I really like the song ‘My Mother’s Handbag’). Chris’s lyrics make the songs so exciting. It is one of those albums you must have and you must listen to, especially late on a Saturday night. There is an extraordinary video too of his song ‘Fat As A Fiddle’ – highly watchable!
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