Distracted Dad
Richard Hearn peers into a wet future
The Boy is so keen on getting his own way, and so specific on what that way must be, I‘ve been wondering what it would be like if we just left him to it. So this week, I thought we’d have a break from 2009 (late era) and jump into the future to visit The Boy’s first bachelor pad. Let me take you on a journey into 2024.
First thing to say is he’s not in. Well, he was in, to answer the door, but then he’s had to nip out for an emergency supply of apple juice. (Some tastes, I imagine, won’t ever change). The bell you’ve just rung would have been a dinosaur’s roar, mimicking the way he and his friends greet each other, as loud and as close as possible. (I, on the other hand, still greet people with a mumbled “How’s it going?” while looking at my shoes).
“On the fridge is a meal planner/shopping list with just three things written on it”
On the fridge is a meal planner/shopping list, with just three things written on it: sausages, salmon fish fingers and cake. Perhaps there’s a meal planner with these in strict rotation. Or perhaps he has all three of these every night. That’s the sort of food anarchy he could indulge in.
Inside, on the living room wall, I imagine a huge poster of labelled diggers and dumpers in whatever frame a male in their 20s would go with. There’s also a mysterious clear space in front of the sofa, which at first you put down to careful design, Feng Shui even, but in fact serves as a clear run up so that he can launch himself onto the sofa. The springs show giveaway signs of wear and tear.
The rest of the floor would be devastation – of toys, making equipment, and cushions playing the role of islands. It will seem chaotic and accidental, but don‘t dare move anything while he‘s away. An invisible system will be at play. Befitting any male, there’ll no doubt be gadgets. One will simply open the curtains just enough to wave at random passers-by, binmen and visiting parents (in that order of importance).
The outside? I reckon traditional brick-built. Lego bricks that is, like that bloke off Top Gear has been building. I’d probably have got roped in, like any dad through the generations, agreeing to help with DIY before realising the size of the task.
Of course all this speculation about the future might be irrelevant – we might all be under water by 2024. Although that would be heaven of a sort for The Boy. He could be best friends with the blue whale and an octopus. And eat the salmon for his tea.
