Distracted Dad
Richard Hearn has a fail-safe shopping plan
This week, let’s start with a puzzle. Imagine you’re a farmer, and you need to get home, which is across a pond. Stay with me on this. You also need to take with you a fox, a goose and a bag of beans. Your boat only has room for you and one other thing. Problem is if you leave the fox alone with the goose, or the goose alone with the bag of beans, then the former’s going to eat the latter. How do you achieve your goal?
“You have to consider mode of transport, where you’re putting everyone, what obstacles you’ll face…”
Who knows. This isn’t the puzzle section. (OK then, the answer‘s at the end.) I’ve told you this tale because I think of it whenever planning a shopping trip with kids. I’m not saying anyone’s in as much danger as that bag of beans, but you have to consider mode of transport, where you’re putting everyone, what obstacles you’ll face… You’re constantly weighing up the pushchair, the pram, the sling. Should you walk, go by bus, take the car? What if you need to carry something else? What’s the best transport to get them to sleep/keep them awake (delete as applicable).
It’s worse the younger your children are, and now we’ve got a four month old as well as a five year old it‘s given me a bad case of Déjà vu. (In parenting, Déjà vu is French for ‘Christ, I’d forgotten about that.’)
There’s upsides and downsides to all of the choices; the big disadvantage of taking a pram to the shops is getting around, especially when you encounter steps. More than about two becomes a no-go, so you’re at the mercy of lifts. It might seem a glib remark, but pushing a pram gives an insight into what it might be like in a wheelchair. Even if there are lifts inside, and perhaps a ramp outside a shop, you’ll often find your route blocked because they’ve stuck some ’special display’ tower in the way to narrow the aisle. The lift becomes the treasure in Tomb Raider, glimpsed in the distance but unobtainable.
What non-parents might not understand is this is how decisions are made. Some shops or restaurants have adapted and made things that bit easier for when you’re pushing a mini vehicle around. The food might not be as tasty or the clothes might not look as good, but you go there if you can make it around and get home without getting too stressed, with two kids – or a goose – in tow.
Puzzle answer: take the goose over, return, then take the fox, bring back the goose, leave the goose there, take the beans over, then go back and get that bloody goose.
