Distracted Dad
Richard Hearn tidies up some annoying toys
I’m not sure how successful we’ve been in getting The Boy to tidy up. Actually, that sentence isn’t strictly accurate. I know exactly how successful we’ve been. We’ve been ‘Un.’ Couple this with his love of construction-type toys – Lego, K-Nex – and of ‘making’, and basically you’ve got a profusion of ‘bits.’ By the end of the day, even if you’ve started off OK, it’s always carnage on the carpet. He does make some effort, sometimes, out of fear we’re going to break up some valued creation, but this is the exception to the rule.
My wife will find it odd that I am writing about tidying as I am incredibly untidy myself, but someone else’s mess (and yes, I know they’re my own children, but still) is a different type of mess. Mine has a pattern, a precarious logic. It might not be aesthetically pleasing, but just as a geologist can find historical answers in layers of rock, so I might locate important paperwork via its likely depth in a pile.
Anyway, here’s my nominations for ‘Most Annoying Toy to Tidy’ chosen from the last five years.
“By the end of the day, even if you’ve started off OK, it’s always carnage on the carpet”
In third place, an alphabet puzzle (apple, bee etc), each piece uniquely shaped to fit a wooden rectangle. This takes the same time to tidy as it does to do it. Tidying is doing it. (Sure, I know my alphabet fairly well by now, although does anyone else still have to half-sing through that tricky H to M section?)
Plus, tip it slightly as you lift it onto the shelf and your hard work’s undone. There’s a similar animal puzzle, same principle, with each piece celebrating your success with the corresponding animal sound. You don’t always need that last thing at night.
Second place is one of The Boy’s make-do-and-mend games; what I mean here is something involving lots of tiny cut-up shapes representing counters, boats, food etc. I admire his low-budget creative nature. I dislike the fact that tidying it away – and no, you can’t throw it, or you’ll be in trouble – is like archiving confetti.
Top though, has been calculated scientifically. One high score is awarded for when tidying is just as hard as doing the actual puzzle. Then multiply this by the difficulty in ensuring that you have definitely got all the pieces. (The reason for this preoccupation is because of Youngest’s™ desire to stick any found object in his mouth.)
I can therefore announce that the winner of Most Annoying Toy to Tidy 2010 is therefore a set of Russian dolls. I don’t know whether anyone else has noticed this, but they all look the same. You’re never entirely sure you’ve got the whole set.
