Distracted Dad
Richard Hearn on the sleepless ride of parenthood
A friend’s about to become a father so I decided, not to offer advice as such, but sum up a few ways my life changed when I became a parent. Some negative things; some positive things…
However, I got a little caught up on the negative – I’m writing these introductory paragraphs last – so the positive aspects now aren’t until next week. Therefore, if you’re about to become a new parent, look away now. Come back next week. There’s nothing to see here…
For those still left: a month before The Boy was born, I met a father of two and asked him for any advice. He gave me three words, the last two of which were ‘brace yourself’. The first is best not printed. This counts as advice in as much as the phrase ‘This is going to hurt!’ could be described as a painkiller. Pretty accurate all the same.
‘Relentless’ would be another word I’d use. The hardness of it all, ongoing – and yes, being the man, I’m sure I wasn’t having the worst of it. If you‘re a non-parent, you know when you’ve had a really long, really hard day, or when you’re hungover, and you then have a day from hell that just goes on and on, and you’re more tired than you’ve ever been before? You might assume when you finally make it into bed, you’re going to have the Sleep of the Gods? Parenthood isn’t like that.
“Leisurely meals are out, as you’re always trying to shotgun calories before someone wakes up”
The Sleep of the Gods never happens – I blame the baby – and when you start another day (just as excruciatingly hard), you’re even further in sleep debt, more irritable, everything’s harder, and you can’t see a respite in sight.
Another shock to the system is the degree of worry and responsibility, which jolts you right from the first moments. As it’s so relentless, then any time off is guilt-inducing, because parenting is a tag team and if you’re doing your own thing, then you just know the other member of your team is sprinting round the corner wanting to pass you the childcare baton. (This is a hopeless metaphor but what do you expect me to come up with on so little sleep?).
Let’s get the other bad stuff out of the way. Leisurely meals are out, as you’re always trying to shotgun calories before someone, somewhere, wakes up. There’s no such thing as ‘quickly popping out’ when you’ve got to pack a bag for every trip. And home décor-wise, minimalism ain’t going to last long…
OK, that’s the negative stuff covered. There is positive stuff too, and yes, it more than outweighs the negative. I promise I’ll cover that next week. Prospective new parents can come back in the room.
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