Distracted Dad
Richard Hearn’s glass isn’t half full
I’ve spent a lot of parenthood swaying. No, not because of wine, well, not always, more that movement in all its forms is often used to settle a child. Static you don’t stand a chance. The fact there’s a nursery rhyme called ‘Rock-A-Bye, Baby’ is also a clue. (Let’s leave aside the edgy nervousness wondering whether the bough will break.)
Swaying is the simplest; the pretence that you’re on the deck of a ferry. A to-and-fro motion in a pram or car seat is next up. The list of transport goes on. Not just planes, trains and automobiles, but buses and boats too. No doubt hovercrafts and cable cars are equally excellent.
Movement is used when nothing else has worked. Milk’s been offered, nappies have been changed. Movement is the last refuge of the parent. I’ve definitely pushed a pram round the block for no other reason than peace and quiet.
I remember taking The Boy out in the car, late at night, in a desperate attempt to get him off to sleep. (This happens less with Youngest™. I’m not sure whether I’m more aware of my carbon footprint or simply that we’ve got The Boy back at home to look after.)
“I’m more of a ‘someone has swiped my glass before it’s finished’ sort of guy ”
I think movement’s supposed to settle because it reminds them of being in the womb. This might make sense when they’re very young and have limited memories, but does it make sense as they get older? You’d think it would remind them of going to the supermarket. That’s almost always the most recent journey, and surely that’s not a soothing experience?
I have a different theory. I reckon movement is a ‘cheque in the post‘ kind of promise. They’re moaning about the situation they’re in, and movement buys you time. Hostilities cease while they discover their destination. (They don’t know it’s exactly the same as the starting point, as you‘re taking them for a trip round the block). While they defer judgement, they fall asleep.
This trait can work against a parent – you’ve got to remember in my column, there’s always a downside. I’m not a ‘glass half-full’ sort of guy; more a ‘someone has swiped my glass before it’s finished, and called time’ sort of a guy.
Sometimes, the soothing nature is the last thing you want, mainly because if they sleep now, they won‘t sleep later. So, as you drive, you desperately try and keep them awake, singing songs or pointing out interesting sights. Then, you hear the dreaded sound of childish snoring on a roundabout near Crawley.
Sometimes, a journey to a destination specifically for them takes longer than expected and they fall into such a deep sleep you can’t rouse them. As parents, a Monkey Plex (or Funny Business) makes no sense without conscious children.
