Foxy Mamma Malone
Malone realises that though her super-tiny jeans are now a bit of a squeeze, she’s not actually fat
I have just realised a glass of Ribena is one hundred calories. Instead of a warm too-much-water purple drink, I could eat a piece of bread or two custard creams. No wonder I can’t do my jeans up anymore. Oh my God I’m calorie counting. This is the path to food obsession! Why am I counting calories?
Because I can’t do up my jeans. And for ages I’ve been doing them up with a hair band attached to the button through the hole and then back onto the button convincing myself that it’s only an extra centimetre and that I must have had a big lunch. Damn. Now I have accepted I have put on a tiny bit of weight, I need to face that actually I’m still slim so perhaps I should shut up and stop complaining.
Once upon a time I wasn’t slim and it drove me nuts, trying every diet going and denying myself niceness. And the trouble is, since you deny yourself niceness, then you want it more than ever! I would say that when I was at my biggest weight I was probably a size 16 in some shops and only 5ft 3. I was a binge eater. I would eat and eat and eat. I had tried this stupid diet that said if you ate all your carbs within an hour period before 6pm then you couldn’t put weight on. I believed that! The science sounded logical. There were long words like metabolism functioning, enzymes, and rhubarb.
“The only thing I really lost was my marbles. And a lot of money on books and potions”
Of course the body wouldn’t store the glucose energy from my broken down carbs as fat as long as I ate them quick. Well I’d binge and then not eat much, except for proteins the rest of the day. What was I thinking? I also did the Atkins a few times, it did work, but I’d be mental tired and once I did almost faint! I can honestly say when I was overweight I tried every diet going. The only thing I really lost was my marbles. And a lot of money on books and potions. If I ever lost any weight I’d just put it back on again. Somebody once said to me “if you eat less energy than you use, then you’ll lose weight.” I wanted to punch them. It wasn’t that easy for G*ds sake! (I’ve asterisked out the O in case you can’t take anymore mentioning of religion at the moment, awful lot of it about isn’t there.)
Grrr… I finally think they are right on a basic level, but I reckon our emotions play a huge part. Being happy helps with weightloss, I concentrate on other stuff than food being the highlight of the day. But then stress and being unhappy makes me lose weight too. I am wondering if the only reason I lost weight last year, was because I was stressed about my dad dying. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have bought two pairs of new jeans in such a ridiculously small size! And I wouldn’t be feeling fat every time I try to button them up, thus triggering the thinking about what I’m eating cycle, and thus becoming obsessed with food again. I’m just gonna replace Ribena with water and everything will be fine.
