Ninety per cent boredom. 10 per cent fear. It’s an old expression, and I used to apply it to fielding in cricket. (I was not that strong on catching). As a parent, I can recycle the maths – why come up with new percentages when there’s old ones kicking around – and reveal that 90 per cent boredom, 10 per cent fear sums up ‘Play Areas’. Read the rest of this article »
My mum recently gave us Herman. No, this isn’t a pet. Or a German exchange student. It’s a friendship cake. I say cake, it’s the cake mix. It comes with instructions. I’m a big believer that when you get given a cake it shouldn’t need instructions. (Or a human name. That’s just weird.) Read the rest of this article »
A bottle of champagne in a Lego bag. This was pointed out to me by my friend G at a recent 40th birthday party. “That’s one for your column,” he said. “That tells you they’re a parent.” So never one to look a gift idea in the mouth, this week my column is about those tell-tale signs of being a parent, even when there’s no kids around. (That being the biggest tell-tale sign). Read the rest of this article »
The group Queen commemorate their 40th anniversary this year – just like me – so this column is a bit of a nostalgia trip. From the age of nine to my mid-teens, Queen were my favourite group. Read the rest of this article »
First, an update on last week’s Tooth Fairy negotiations. No sooner had I submitted my copy than The Boy had a second tooth fall out, this time in the playground. Gappy just got gappier. Later that night, worrying the evidence wouldn’t be under his pillow, he wrote an extra note: “I accseedentlee dropt me tooth and lost it”. Read the rest of this article »
T his week, I learnt some ‘Tooth Fairy Rules’, after The Boy’s wobbly tooth finally came out. My wife texted me just after the school run. Later, I asked him whether it felt any different. “Not really,” he said seriously. “I’ve still got all my other teeth.” Rather than put this first one under his pillow, he wanted to keep it. He’s heard all about the Tooth Fairy, though. One of his friends always gets a toy. “He writes a note.” Read the rest of this article »
I’ve decided to nominate More So as a mathematical function. As in ‘Like my normal life, but More So’. I’m sure there’s a value to place on it, an amount which it multiplies life by. Read the rest of this article »
Ask me anything about nails. Go on, test me. At the moment it’s my specialist subject. I’ve recently put up an exhibition, or rather three (mini) exhibitions. I’m currently Artist of the Month at Lulu and Hitch in Hove, with work also in their sister shop in Shoreham, Lily and Harold, plus Pizza Express in Hove. Read the rest of this article »
Have you ever seen programmes about people who collect newspapers all their lives which become towers the authorities have to clamber over? Or obsessives whose every inch of wall space is filled with near-identical trophies of one particular hobby? Wondered how they got started? Read the rest of this article »
So, anyway there’s The Boy, Youngest™ and a cat in an electricity museum. Yes, my life is sounding more and more like a joke. We are at Amberley Museum & Heritage Centre, a cat has followed us into the electricity area, and then the door’s got stuck shut. I’m in a room with unreliable creatures and out-of-date wiring, and the cat decides to sit on an electric oven. Read the rest of this article »
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