A great weekend. My annual trip up a mountain (or large hill) – this time Skiddaw in the Lake District – with university friends. It’s become a kind of mini-tradition, although I myself didn‘t do any hill-walking when at university. Read the rest of this article »
I’ve been writing this column a while. In fact, I can exclusively print here an extract from an early Distracted Dad: “Out hunting for mammoth with The Boy and Youngest™, although this was delayed as The Boy wanted to stay in the cave and ‘do drawing’.
Eventually, made it out with the important equipment (spears, provisions, nappies, raisins). The Boy kept discussing which creatures were his favourite, thus disturbing the beast. Did make a capture and brought it back to the cave, but Youngest™ made such a fuss we had to stay outside. Eventually, did get into cave but only after we allowed Youngest™ to hoard all eating implements while he went to sleep. Eventually settled down to supper of prize mammoth. The Boy said he preferred chicken.”
“Youngest’s™ yelling has attracted the attention of a sabre-tooth tiger”
Illustration: Paul Lewis www.pointlessrhino.com
Of course, back then this magazine wasn’t published as Latest Homes, but Latest Caves (“now incorporating Mud Hut Monthly” – OK, so I’m playing fast and loose with early human history). I say published; it involved the editor standing by some shrubbery pointing at various caves, while the deputy editor’s job was to keep a look out for woolly mammoths.
Er…anyway, the extract continues: “Next day, woke up to find we’re lacking in hunting weapons. The Boy has broken them up to make an intricate sculpture of a made-up monster. Youngest™ has got wound up because he wanted to touch said sculpture and The Boy wouldn’t let him. Youngest’s™ yelling has attracted the attention of a sabre-tooth tiger, which I would attack if I had weapons, but they’re being used in the sculpture. Luckily, Youngest™ gets so annoyed, the aforementioned beast skulks off – for the moment.”
Is this how it went? Kids often go against their own interests, which seems to be anti-evolution. How did those genes thrive? A child will often make such a fuss when you’re trying to look after them, e.g. stepping out in front of the number 2 bus/ sabre-toothed tiger (* delete as applicable) that I can’t see how that trait would survive, evolutionally-speaking. Often, they actively prevent you from helping them. This is sometimes OK in today’s more cosseted environment, but if they did that in Neanderthal times, surely they would have been thrown out of the gene pool.
On the other hand, you’ve only got to have kids to believe in evolution and see the proof that a high percentage of their DNA is shared with other animals. Through the course of a day they demonstrate their affinity with a monkey, a sloth, even a bed bug. However, their regular resistance to a change of environment makes it hard to believe they ever made it out of the swamp.
Let’s talk twitter. I’m sure you’ve all heard of it, many of you will be on it. Some of you may be addicted to it. Some of my followers might even be reading this. I’d like to say hi to both of you. Read the rest of this article »
Youngest™ is really into music. A few notes in a row and he’ll stop what he’s doing and start dancing. I said this to someone recently and they said “a young Mozart?”. Read the rest of this article »
Dogs, ducks and dinosaurs. Yes, this week, as usual, I’m tackling some key topical issues. OK, so they might not be topical for everyone, but they feature heavily in Youngest™’s life this week, so I’m defining that as topical in our house. Read the rest of this article »
“Which zombie would you like to be?” The Boy asks. It’s just before 7am. I think he’s making a comment about the dead-eyed way I’m pouring Youngest™’s cereal. “A strong man zombie, a frog zombie or a fast zombie?” Read the rest of this article »
The Boy isn’t really into football. His cousin is mad on it, lots of his friends are into it, but he’s not that bothered. He knows I like it and that Mummy thinks it’s ‘boring.’ Sometimes, on a Sunday morning, we watch Match Of The Day together. Read the rest of this article »
A bit of warm weather and therefore I’m out in the garden with The Boy and Youngest™. As Youngest™ has only just started walking, this is all new to him. He’s loving it. The Boy is showing him the ropes. (And the slide. And the tree at the back. Okay, that doesn‘t really work because there aren’t any ropes. Oh well.)
I’m having garden flashbacks. As The Boy and Youngest™ were both born in the same month – five years apart – Youngest ™ is reaching milestones in the same seasons as his older brother did. In spring, five years ago, me and The Boy ventured out in the garden, and I think, if I’m honest, it’s when I started enjoying fatherhood. Getting the hang of it. Until then, I had found being a dad ‘relentless’. I was unprepared for it. Suddenly, we were able to get out in the fresh air, and The Boy would happily potter up and down the garden cutely examining blades of grass, being thwarted by small steps and gaining delight from a random ball.
In the same period that I learn to run (see this column, issues 514 and 519), Youngest™ has learnt to walk. Just like when he started crawling, this is another cute stage. Read the rest of this article »
It’s Sunday morning, and The Boy is getting his shoes on. “Has it got lots of seats like where they watch the football?” he asks.“What?” asks my wife. “No, it’s not a stadium,” I say. “It‘s a café in Goring. It‘s really not going to be that exciting.” I see my job as being to lower kids’ expectations. Read the rest of this article »
» Magazine | Articles | Advertising Rates | Distribution | About | Back Issues | Contact • Property Search »
All content © 2011 Latest Homes Ltd.
Latest Homes is a Latest magazine published by Latest Homes Ltd.
To view PDF files you will need Adobe Acrobat Reader.
You can download it for free from the Adobe website.
