I go on holiday so rarely that I didn’t know about the common phenomenon that is ‘AHDS’ – After Holiday Downer Syndrome. I feel like I need a holiday to get over my holiday. I’ve arrived back with a stinky cold that I must have caught from the snotty sneezing children on the plane. I feel so ill, it’s all I can do to lie in bed directing my child towards cupboards of food and toys. Read the rest of this article »
My mum has given me a flight to spain. Not literally. (She’s not a Greek god, swiping planes out of the sky and handing them to me as hundreds of people scream as they are shaken around the 747.) No, she’s bought me an EasyJet flight, and we’re going to stay with a friend. Read the rest of this article »
My best friend has bought a dog. Dog may be man’s best friend but I am not a dog’s best friend. I’m not a fan. They yip and bark and require nurturing attention that will never be reimbursed into earning enough to put me into a nursing home when I am frail. I’ve opted for the child route. Hoping that if I am a nice enough mum, I’ll perhaps earn myself (if not a nursing home) at least an invite to move in with my daughter’s husband and children: driving them batty by having the TV on ridiculously loud. Read the rest of this article »
I managed to get an hour out the house. Bliss. I cheekily asked my neighbours upstairs if they wouldn’t mind sitting, after all it’s only ten foot down from their flat! They’re practically still sitting in the same house (just in a room with none of their belongings…). Read the rest of this article »
It’s a strange thing buying a toy for a five year old. Choosing a birthday present feels like I’m not just buying a toy, it feels like I’m deciding which views of the world I’m going to impress onto my child. Read the rest of this article »
“You’ve only got CBeebies to watch? Why haven’t you got Sky?” asked my daughter’s friend. I replied like a teenager: “Cos it’s better than Sky!” Really I meant: cos it’s free! Then this five year old (not mine) said, “Are these broken clothes all you got for Barbie?!” Yes, sorry we are not millionaires! Read the rest of this article »
Went to see the Kings of Leon play a gig to thousands in Hyde Park. I dropped the child off at her granny’s, and lied to my child that I was ‘off to see a friend’ (if she knew I was off to a festival, she’d be devastated.) She thinks festivals are fun-fairs. Read the rest of this article »
It was school sports day today. I spent the morning watching my still four year old stomping around the race course sucking her thumb, occasionally looking over at me, to make time to give me a foul look. It is, after all, my fault. Read the rest of this article »
I thought I’d venture to the library to write as it’s more peaceful. It’s not. I may leave for Starbucks to get some peace. A mother has sat down in front of me with a sleeping toddler in buggy, and a massive bag of Kettle Chips. She is crunching her way through them and turning pages loudly of the book. Read the rest of this article »
I owned my first toaster at 20 years old. I’ve probably been using a toaster since age ten. Thats 28 years of toaster-using experience. I would describe this long love affair with hot dried bread as reliable and satisfying. Read the rest of this article »
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