Malone copes with a minor ginger cat-astrophe
I haven’t got a problem with them. Hey, a lot of my friends are pet owners! I appreciate the need for some company that doesn’t talk back to you yet offers much needed affection and companionship. I just don’t understand people that buy lovely pets knowing that they won’t be around to look after them.
My friends are trying to buy a cat at the moment. They found a seller selling kittens training to use the toilet. Using the human toilet – that’s probably ‘looking after them’ too much… Today I have spent way too much time googling ‘how to stop neighbours cats from coming in window’.
A ginger cat keeps breaking and entering into my flat. Actually there’s no ‘breaking’ just ‘entering’ (through open windows.) The only breaking is the sound of my four year old breaking wind with utter fear as she happily plays looking up to suddenly find a lion (comparative to her size) strolling around the house, and then racing to lie in wait for its prey under the bed.
“Dripping wet and naked, I grab a broom and shoo it out the flat door”
Illustration: Lili Bé http://130cartons.com
My child is terrified. It’s only a cat… I assure her the cat is just lost and probably hungry for cat food, not her. Dripping wet and naked (I was in the shower) I grab a broom and shoo it out the door, then I assure the child that it will never return! The four year old suggests I get a towel and put the broom down. Then the next day it skips in through the window again. How? It’s jumping nine feet into our first floor flat! No wonder she’s so frightened – this a paratroop cat! We should send it to the Middle East. (But we should ask the British army first.)
Googling, I find online forums exposing a world full of angry neighbours offering cat deterrent advice which verge on cruelty and madness. One deterrent suggested is a pellet made from ‘Lion Essence’. Yes the essence of the lion. The product reckons that the smaller cat will be deterred by the scent of a bigger cat… Righto…!
Other deterrents suggested are stringing a line of CDs together, which cause reflections of light that put the cat off… Hanging a chain of CDs outside will not only deter cats but also deter rising house prices in the area. I want to stop the cat coming in the window but I don’t want it to look like Blue Peter has decorated.
The child’s solution is “never open the windows again”. The next day I see the cat stuck on a balcony and people trying to shoo it down. “Is that your cat?” I say. Woman nods and then I say something bleary eyed at 8am that in retrospect I shouldn’t. I ask: “Do you feed it?” I meant to say, “I wonder how we can solve this…”. The woman gives me an astounded look and I scurry away home to make a necklace out of CDs.