The chickenpox party
Malone finds herself popular at parties where she is itching to have her cake and eat it
My child has chickenpox, it looks like acne. My first worry was that I’d have to stay in for ten days quarantine going crazy with the itching toddler.
But no! People want me even more! I even got invited round to one family’s house with the main intention to infect their children with ‘the pox’. Thank god there will be some kids my toddler can hang out with! Gutted we will miss out on two birthday parties this week.
“No wonder chavs give their kids Coca-Cola in their bottle; the power of sugar is truly wonderful for at least 17 and a half minutes”
Kids’ parties mean one thing and one thing only in my eyes, cake. Pink cake, yellow cake, and brown cake. You have to get in there before all the kids do, load up a few child-size portions to make a decent adult portion of cake and then make sure you go back for seconds making out it’s for your child.
My daughter pulled a cake off the kitchen worktop the other day. It was 7.30am, I was so tired, I didn’t argue when she ate it, after all she did pass me some… I thought that quite thoughtful. I’ve never heard her learn a word so quickly; I said, “It’s cake” and she shouted “CAAAKE”, I even heard a “yummy” and witnessed an ear-to-ear smile.
No wonder chavs give their kids Coca-Cola in their bottle; the power of sugar is truly wonderful for at least 17 and a half minutes. But I didn’t let her go cold turkey, I weaned her onto toast and jam, and finally onto grapes. I reminded myself to try not to give her too much sugar again, recalling the look in her eye whilst she gorged the cake that said, ‘I will never eat other food again’.
Did you know that some people actually have chickenpox parties? Not the Ann Summers’ parties I may have been to when I was a single woman in the prime of my life wasting my money on paper thongs and edible willies. No these parties are for the sole purpose of infecting their child with the lurgy!
Presumably it’s like booking yourself in for a caesarean because you’ve got a business meeting the week after birth and you need to know when the baby is coming. ‘Getting chickenpox out the way’ is a good idea and especially if you can time it so it doesn’t ruin ones social calendar, smashing, super… There was part of me that did think ‘thank god she’s got it now and not just before Bestival.’
I hope it doesn’t get really bad. I have to say she’s been an angel today, better than normal, giggly and laughing all day. It is only day one of ‘the pox’ though, we shall see what happens. So far she only has the spots all over her ‘trunk’. Try explaining to a toddler that an elephant has a nose called a trunk, mummy keeps her clothes in a trunk and not to itch her own trunk – the English language is sooo confusing.
The doctor said she’d get blisters in her mouth, ears and eyes, thanks Doc’. If I’d wanted to worry that much I’d have Googled ‘childhood diseases’ myself.
