The Landlady
The sound of music
“I’ve always said that this landlady malarkey would be fine if it weren’t for the tenants. Over the past few months, I’ve been having a few problems with the anti-social behaviour of one of my tenants in Hastings.
I co-own two flats in the same building in Hastings, one on the top floor and one on the second to top floor. We were going to sell the top flat, until I persuaded my co-owner friend that it was a very bad time to sell.
Since 2001, I have co-owned the other flat on the second-to-top floor with my old friend, Katy. We don’t see each other as much as we used to, as she now develops in London. This is, perhaps, not a bad thing, given that the last time we met, we rinsed our joint account in the Art Deco bar at the Landsdowne Hotel in London and got so drunk that a charitable passer-by had to help us back to Katy’s house with our shopping. As a result, I woke up in London the next day, when I was meant to be at work. Oops!
Anyway, getting back to the story, we rent both flats out to a charity which helps people who, otherwise, would have nowhere to live. The tenant in the top flat is a very ‘spiritual’ lady, who’s had a bit of a rough time of late. She has thousands of self-help books, none of which I’d touch with a bargepole as I don’t think they’d make a difference to me. I would never read a book telling me that men are rubbish, as I already know that most of them are and there’s nothing one can do to change that, being as most women seem to be equally as rubbish.
“I wrote to the tenant and let him know that he shouldn’t be playing music after 11pm”
The man in mine and Katy’s flat is another of life’s unfortunates. He has lived in our flat for two years and, turning a blind eye to the ‘murals’ he’s daubed on the walls, up until two months ago, we’d had no complaints about him. Then I received an email from the owner of one of the flats in the neighbouring building, who claimed that our tenant had been playing the electric guitar until 4am on many occasions. Then, the lady in the flat downstairs contacted me to say that as well as the electric guitar, his cohorts had been allowing their large dogs to pee in the communal hallway, while smoking drugs – the cohorts, not the dogs. Our spiritual lady on the top floor chipped in with the fact that she’d had items stolen, allegedly by his friends.
I wrote to the tenant and, pulling no punches, let him know that he shouldn’t be playing music after 11pm and before 9am and that if it happened again, he’d be evicted. All was quiet for a fortnight and then I received another email from next door saying that loud music had been emanating from that flat on several occasions. I spoke to his social worker, who agreed that we have no other option but to evict him. This is a terrible decision to have to make, as I feel very sorry for our tenant, but equally sorry for those who have to bear the brunt of his late night guitar playing. I have sent the letter and dread to think what effect it’ll have on him. I have offered his flat to the lady in the top flat as it’s a nicer flat, but she is worried that our guitar-hero’s evil spirits will be lurking in dark corners… I honestly don’t make this up.
