» Dani
Dani hates writing CVs and answering ridiculous questions
CV writing has to be one of the most annoying and frustrating things a person will ever have to do. For me CV writing is a real pet hate. I have never fully felt comfortable with the idea of selling myself on a piece of paper. In fact I think the whole concept is pretty weird.
The trouble is, I think it‘s just me that has this problem. Everyone else in the country seems happy to write the spiel about being enthusiastic and hardworking. But realistically, how many people are actually enthusiastic, hardworking and great working as either part of a team or alone?
“All you are thinking is – God,
I hope I get this job, I really need the money”
We all read the same CV writing tips online, we have all been given the same advice by so-called CV experts. But in reality, you have to make yourself sound better than everyone else, and not only that – you also have to write covering letter after covering letter, practically begging employment, because you will bring a fresh perspective to the team. The main problem with all this is, no one who is writing a CV is actually thinking – hey, I would be great for that role because I really am enthusiastic and I truly believe that I could be a great asset to the company. In fact, all you are thinking is – God I hope I get this job, I really need the money.
The funny thing is, the person who is scrutinising your CV would have had to have written their very own CV at one point, in order to be in a position that now allows them to pass judgement based on what can be fitted neatly onto one side of A4.
So what exactly do you look for in a CV, when all of them follow the same basis and are all written by people who are trying to impress you but not necessarily inform?
The one thing that doesn’t seem to be written in any guide books for this subject is at what age can you leave your GCSE results off your CV? Personally, I don’t think I need to put them on, as at 22 I have had enough jobs to give me more experience and skills than I ever had at school, and yet for some reason people still seem to want to see the results from a bunch of tests I took years ago. They don’t seem to bear in mind that those tests did not cover anything that you would need to know for an office environment.
If you are lucky enough to have blagged your way into an interview, you are then confronted with another load of ridiculous questions. My favourite one has been: how would your friends describe you? How, in any universe, is the answer to that going to be anything other than the rehearsed “friendly, easy going, adaptable…” And how on earth does it make any difference to whether or not you get that job answering the phone?
A laughing matter?
Something strange is happening. You may notice that it is happening to people around you – and if it hasn’t happened yet I am sure it will soon – one of the people you know will become a stand-up comedian. Once one friend has, you will start to find that others are giving it a go too. Where did all this start? Every other day I find out someone else I know is now a comedian – am I missing something? It’s great – laughing is the best medicine – but how come all of a sudden everyone is jumping for the microphone?
