Tasha Dhanraj tries to get the sentiment right

I wanted to send to my boyfriend a present at his new flat. It’s the first time he’s left home since university, so I wanted to show him that I cared and was thinking of him. Call me old fashioned but I find it weird sending flowers to men. I didn’t want to send him wine because he’s not much of a drinker. I was going to send him a card, but let’s face it – what do you say to someone who is moving house?

It’s not really the time to say congratulations when all he’s doing is moving all of his possessions from one property to another. I can’t say, “welcome,” when he’s not moving in with me. “Good luck with the new house,” gives the subtle impression that I think the place he’s going to be living in is terrible and so he’ll need a huge amount of good fortune for it to not all end in tears and arguments over who brought the toaster.

The answer? Muffins – gender neutral, universally loved, and an obvious sign of care and well wishing.
Then of course, the problem arose that muffin baskets are big. They can’t be shoved through a letterbox and they can’t be left outside the front door as they will be irresistible to even the most morally upstanding passerby.

With a boyfriend who works a 9–6 job and the only muffin basket delivery service in London being open 9–5, it was clearly hopeless. My genius plan had failed.

“We shouldn’t have letter boxes, we should have parcel boxes”

This would all be fine if people had massive letter boxes. In the modern age, people are sending fewer and fewer letters and in reality the only thing that people are every receiving are packages containing shoes, clothing, computers, groceries and all the other weird and wonderful rubbish you can buy online. We shouldn’t have letter boxes, we should have parcel boxes. Or better yet – post bins.
They should be provided by the council and they can live next to our wheelie bins. No more will there be the dreaded waiting for a package that never arrives when it’s supposed to. No more will there be the awkward, hand written; “Please leave the delivery round the back/with the neighbour,” signs that always get ignored.

Unfortunately, I don’t have enough time to have the legislation formed in parliament and get it passed through the House of Lords. So, I’ll probably just have to send him a Moonpig card with the emotionless message; “You have moved home.”