Bare cheek: Up the proverbial
More handy sayings for the 21st century
“The doctor with the sharpest knife
Will save your life.
The doctor with a knife that’s blunt
Is derelict in his responsibilities.”
“One two – how’d you do?
Three four – there’s the door.
Five six – building bricks.
Seven eight – plumber’s mate.
Nine ten – burly men.”
“In a world of freeview televisions
A digibox has no power.”
“Tramps make poor housekeepers, but housekeepers make very good tramps.”
“The beaver builds its dam,
The buffalo roams the plain,
The bear hunts in the valley,
I’m not going there again.”
“A man is only as good as he’s cracked up to be.”
“A friend who will sleep with your wife will most likely use your razor too.”
“An Englishman’s home is his asset.”
“Drink brine,
Feel fine.
Drink stew,
Get you!”
“A man buys a Euromillions scratchcard is literally giving his money away.”
“Love makes the primrose bloom, the donkey bray, and the meter reading not correspond with the estimate.”
“Old age is its own reward (especially if you like daytime television.)”
“Happiness cannot be attained with money or sex, only through lots of money and lots of sex.”
“The owl who preys in daylight is a berk.”
“Smile when you are unhappy
Laugh when you are angry
Weep when you are joyous
Get sectioned.”
“The owl who preys in daylight is a berk.”
“Old age is its own reward (especially if you like daytime television.)”
“The boatswain will take thirty lashes
When Mozilla Firefox crashes.
The shipman in the deep will drown
When Outlook Express goes down,
But the captain will be safe at home
If anything happens with Google Chrome.”
Ask Mike
Can’t remember the name of a book, song or film? Mike Hunter is the man with the answers…
Dear Mike,
In Music at school I remember our teacher once played a recording of a piece that has stayed with me. (Sadly the same cannot be said of its title!)
It was a set of variations written to introduce children to the various sections of the orchestra – each variation displaying the unique characteristics of a particular orchestral instrument. At the end all the instruments are brought in one by one for a giant fugue, at the climax of which the brass blare out the splendid theme by Henry Purcell on which the variations are based. It’s wonderful, stirring stuff, brimming with Post-War optimism.
Annoyingly, as I know next to nothing about Classical music, I have forgotten not only the name of the piece, but also of its composer, who, for some reason, I feel certain was from Britain, was a conscientious objector during WWII, had a life-long gay relationship with tenor Peter Pears, founded the Aldeburgh Festival, and is now being celebrated nationwide during this, his centenary year.
Please help.
David Preston,
West Hove.
Dear David,
I too first heard the piece you describe when I was a ‘young person’, and found it an indispensible ‘guide’ to the various families of instruments that make up the modern symphony ‘orchestra’. Interesting, too, that you feel certain the composer was from Britain as, coincidentally, his name is almost its homonym, if spelt differently. Got it yet? That’s right – it’s ‘The Space Invaders Meet The Purple People Eater’ by Russ Abbott.
Keep those letters flooding in!
Mike.
Follow me: @MitchellnNixon
