Made In Chelsea S7E6: Alex is seen exiting Binky’s house after a night of break-up sex!
Andrew J Bullock brings you the weekly high & lowdowns from Made In Chelsea
Fran and Cheska know about Binky and Alex hooking up last night. They have headed into the forest to evoke Feronia, goddess of abundance, to ask for her guidance in the matter of Binky, their Earth Sister. You know things are bad when Binky starts lying to the Matron of Chelsea, Jane Felstead. She tells her she “bumped into” Alex. No, no, no! He texted you and you TEXTED HIM BACK, BINKY! Jane cries for her daughter’s soul. Then Alex comes in … Jane can’t stand the sight of him, so she leaves. But not before he calls her “Janey” twice! No, Alex!
*** STOP PRESS! SOUND THE ALARM! RING THE CATHEDRAL BELL! CALL UPON THE MOTHER SUPERIOR, SISTER AGNES MAGDALENA! HANG THYME AND MARJORAM FROM YOUR DOOR FRAMES, LOCK YOUR WINDOWS AND HANG A CRUCIFIX ABOVE YOUR OVEN: MARK FRANCIS IS SICK OF HERMES?!!!!!! ***
Lucy has hired Riley to be her intern. Lucy thinks she’s Meryl Streep from The Devil Wears Prada, and Riley is Anne Hathaway. Fran and Andy are nodding awkwardly along to this awful singer who’s singing an awful song in an awful recording studio. The singer is dressed like Siobhan Fahey from Bananarama. In walks ‘Edo’! Yep, ‘Edo’. Short for Oedipus. He invites Fran and Andy to a party in East London. A cold, ominous wind blows at the thought of venturing out of SW6.
Mark Francis has never heard of Nando’s. Sounds about right. Steph doesn’t know what netball is. It’s like the NBA for schoolgirls, Steph.
“They’re all wearing odd clothes so as to fit in with East-side culture”
NETBALLLLLLLLLL! Jane is refereeing! Sam rocks up, but he’s only there to have a go at Stevie for dating Riley, consequently making himself look even more pathetic than he already has done.
Alex shows up. He has come to watch Binky but he only shows up for the last 30 seconds of gameplay. Lucy tells Binky that she has heard that Alex has had more than just the one sexual blackout. One was even in the early hours of 1 January 2014! I think you need a new New Year’s Resolution, Alex.
Hoxton: everyone’s raving. They’re all wearing odd clothing so as to fit in with East-side culture. I suppose this makes sense though, seeing as ‘Edo’ is wearing a horrid, horrid jumper. Lucy has a row with Wheeze and Rosie about their differing opinions on the Binky/Alex situation. Rosie is like, “look at yourself Lucy!”
Alex admits to Binky that not only has he cheated two other times (in addition to the original time), but he also cheated during a trip to Scotland. That brings the score up to four! Four blackouts, no waiting.
Next week’s predictions: Sam will turn up to Stevie and Riley’s next date and shoot them both; Alex will buy one of those round-the-world plane tickets so that he can black out in every capital city on Earth.
Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com
Follow me: @andrewjbullock
