Bare Cheek: Hove Factually
Five more fabulous facts about fantastic Hove…
1) Incest in Hove is perfectly legal when performed dressed as the characters from “The Banana Splits.”
2) The three best-selling novels of all time in Hove are The Carpetbaggers by Howard Robbins, The Ticket That Exploded by William S. Burroughs, and Ugenia Lavender And The Terrible Tiger by Geri Halliwell.
3) Due to legal pressure from an existing business (the “Happy Apple Cafe” on Blatchington Road) Apple computers, iPhones and iPads are, within the environs of Hove, sold under the brand name “Loganberry.”
4) The 1991 film New Jack City was entirely financed by George Street shops.
5) Hove’s sewers contain an under-ground city ruled over by a triumvirate consisting of disgraced former MP Neil Hamilton, children’s TV presenter Andy Crane, and celebrity husband-emasculator Lorena Bobbitt.
First Try Lyrics
A fascinating insight into the creative process as we examine the original drafts of those famous songs that didn’t get it quite right the first time…
CHATTANOOGA CHOO CHOO – Harry Warren and Mark Gordon, 1941
A: Pardon me boy – is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo?
B: Yes. And don’t call me boy.
WHERE HAVE ALL THE FLOWERS GONE? – Pete Seeger, 1955
A: Where have all the flowers gone?
B: They’re over there.
THEME FROM MAHOGANY – Michael Masser and Gerald Goffin, 1975 (sung by Diana Ross)
A: Do you know where you’re going to?
B: Yes I do. I’m going to the boozer.
WHEN WILL I BE FAMOUS? – Bros, 1987
A: When will I, will I be famous?
B: Now. You’re already famous. This song is a hit. Crazy, huh?
BLOWIN’ IN THE WIND – Bob Dylan, 1962
A: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
B: Are they long roads or short roads?
On This Day
In 1902 Ronald Busey, a retired pastry chef, of Upper Lewes Road, Brighton, became the first man in the world to take a self-satisfied “selfie” next to a famous person when he accidentally tripped and bumped into Lord Salisbury in front of a multiplying wet plate camera that was photographing the Grand Pavilion.
In 1927 the West Pier’s concert hall hosted the first ever science fiction convention, with appearances by HG Wells and Hugo Gernsback, a special screening of Fritz Lang’s new movie Metropolis, and the immediate springing-into-being of the terms “geek”, “nerd”, “dweeb”, and “loser”.
In 1935 Hove aristocrat Lady Olivia Marchbanks scandalised polite society by appearing at a ball dressed as Bertie Bassett. She was sent to Bedlam, where she died in 1946.
In 1950, in the area that is now Brighton Marina, it suddenly began to rain Weetabix, then sugar, then milk.
In 1974 on the seafront in front of the Fortune Of War, police finally arrested Elias Fenchurch, Europe’s foremost corn plaster smuggler.
In & Out
In
• Fizzbombs
• System Of A Down
• Open heart surgery
• Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
• Peat
Out
• Prozac
• Mel Torme
• Cracking your knuckles even though you’ve heard it’s bad for you
• Beef and onion crisps
• Minidisc
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