Andrew Bullock: MIC-NYC 4
Andrew Bullock on the highs and lows of MIC in the Big Apple
The lads are having a run. Carson leads Spenny over to a riverside pylon and sits atop it with him, so that they might discuss “The Billie Situation” (sounds like an American sitcom starring Kaley Cuoco, Anna Farris and Jenna von Oÿ). Carson’s hideous eye tattoo is poking up from his vest, looking us all up and down, like the eye of Satan.
NEWSFLASH: Rosie used to WORK in a cupcake shop! Could it be that she is not actually that rich and needed to degrade herself to food-related labour? Anyway, she’s on a date with Jules. She tells him how she used to steal cupcakes and take them home to her mother, and explains that she has a quick metabolism. Good chat. Jules then describes himself as the following: 1) A man of principle 2) A lesbian. There is about as much chemistry going on between these two as an empty test tube.
Why is Riley still in this? She never smiles and is so dull I want to cry.
Later on, they all go to a gig. It’s the gig of a large lady named Lizzo, who shouts into a microphone like a fat Kelis. Proudlock continually states that she’s epic but no-one wants to hear what he thinks because he’s wearing two earrings and a bandana. Wheeze is telling the girls that Alik took her to his workplace and that it also doubles up as his bedroom. She explains that she would never work and sleep in the same room. You do not work, Wheeze! What precisely have you done with your geography degree, may I ask?
Spenny has taken Billie on a date and rolls out all the classic Spenny lines, such as: “I haven’t felt like this for a while about someone,” and “has anyone ever told you your hands are laughable, but in a cute way?”
Alik proposes a game of baseball, which Mark Francis offers to referee. When Alik asks if he is “like Simon on American Idol”, Mark Francis replies “I’m not sure what that entails, but probably”. Good one MF. Also, Alik, what is this, 2009? Simon left Idol years ago mate! Didn’t you hear that he started up X-Factor USA and fired Cheryl Fernandez-Versini née Cole née Tweedy?
Proudlock and Spenny are shopping for hats. Let’s move on, yeah?
“Your hands are laughable, but in a cute way”
NEWSFLASH # 2: Stevie is a better kisser than Spenny! At the baseball field/mound/pitch/stadium, Rosie is wearing an apron. A baseball apron.
Rosie is informed that Jules is polyamorous. In fact, he’s not simply a polyamorist, he’s a tri-polyamorist. He announces that he’s dating three girls and that they are all Facebook friends. What would Mark Zuckerberg say? Jules declares that monogamy isn’t natural, and “that’s the whole truth”. So basically he thinks like a gay guy. He’s a lesbian, trapped in a man’s body, with the mind of a gay guy. He argues with Rosie passionately, then calms down and in the style of Hannibal Lecter says: “We don’t have to be nasty”. So I think he might be schizo-tri-polyamorous.
Next week’s predictions: Stephanie is back, and that’s all that matters!
Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com
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