Bare Cheek: 20,000 Days Of Nick
Another excerpt from Nick Cave’s new docu-drama, ‘20,000 days on earth’
Scene: Nick is lying on the couch in his psychiatrist’s office with his eyes closed. The psychiatrist is seated in an easy chair, taking notes.
NICK: … And then, in the dream, I’m standing in front of this gravestone, and I look down at the name, you know, expecting to see my own name, but instead it says ‘Wokka Hargreaves 1957 – 1972’.
PSYCHIATRIST: I see … and who is this Wokka Hargreaves?
NICK: He’s a bloke I was at Wangaratta Primary School with.
PSYCHIATRIST: And is he dead?
NICK: Nah, he’s a dental technician in Goondiwindi. Anyway, I’m staring at this gravestone, when suddenly the ground crumbles away beneath my feet and I fall down this long dark shaft, and suddenly I’m standing in this broom closet with Kenneth Kendal. And he opens his mouth to speak, but what comes out is the sound of a kettle boiling. What does it all mean, doc?
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s difficult to say, Mr. Cave. Is there any more of the dream?
NICK: Oh yeah – I run out of the broom closet, and find I’m on the Orient Express, which is hurtling along. It’s really crowded, but every single person on board apart from me is Dum Dum from Touche Turtle. So I finally find a seat, and the Dum Dum next to me asks me to validate his parking ticket. I explain that I can’t, and he starts punching himself in the face really violently. But what comes out of his nose isn’t blood, but lots of little Jamie Olivers, all shouting “lovely jubbly”. And then I wake up.
PSYCHIATRIST: I see.
NICK: So what do you reckon Doc – am I crook? Is me brain broke?
PSYCHIATRIST: Ha ha, Mr. Cave – the subconscious is a delicate instrument indeed …
(BELL RINGS)
PSYCHIATRIST: And that’s the end of our session for today. That will be 250 of your English pounds please.
NICK: (COUNTING OUT MONEY) All right, all right. (SOTTO VOCE) Money for old rope.
PSYCHIATRIST: What was that, Mr. Cave?
NICK: Nothing, nothing.
(SOTTO VOCE) You pillock.
Come back next week for another excerpt from Nick’s new film
GREATEST BRIGHTON SHOP
You may remember (unless you were not paying attention) that a couple of weeks back we ran a poll to discover Brighton’s most Brightonian Brightonian; the quintessential Brightonian, if you will. And you nominated the Ditty Man.
This week we want you to vote for Brighton’s most Brightonian shop to have ceased trading in Brighton. The winner will be re-opened with due ceremony and allowed to fail again. Below we have provided a helpful list of likely contenders. So which do YOU think should be nominated? Drop us a line at Bare Cheek, C/O Latest 7, Unit 1, Level Five North, New England House, New England Street, BN1 4GH.
The Cork Shop, Wax Lyrical,
Air Born Kites, Winfalcon
Healing Centre, Hannington’s,
The Catholic Shop, Borders,
Hardix Leatherwear,
The Stencil Shop,
Kappa Telephone Supplies,
The Glass Animals Man,
Woolworths (London Road),
Woolworths (Western Road),
N. F. Brookes, Wood Brothers Television, Services, Haylar’s Music Store, Red Veg, That offie on Queen’s Road that used to sell khat, Mr. Cooper’s,
Margaret’s Fortune Teller (Elm Grove), Hamley’s, D & K Rosen,
Alf’s General Store, Sweetime,
The Unknown Traffic Warden.
Follow me: @MitchellnNixon
