Andrew Bullock: The Box
MADE IN CHELSEA SEASON 10 FINALE
So how did the end of the series pan out for the Chelsea massive? Well… In the final episode of season 10, Mark Francis and Victoria are deconstructing the hardships of the festive season. For example, the effort one has to go to to lift a flute (champagne, not instrumental). Jess joins them, dressed like Ellen DeGeneres. They discuss the argument that happened at the Christmas dinner party, at which Toff shed salty, Christmastime tears. Mark Francis suggests Toff just talk to the hand (and his answerphone) and then declares that he is more powerful than God, our saviour on high.
Steph lets her four dogs sleep with her in LA. That’s weird. She also doesn’t know what an owl is. Tiff is explaining the story of how Sam declared his love for her, which involved an owl. “An owl? Like a bird?” asks Steph. No, Steph, like a fish.
At church, someone’s singing ‘In the bleak mid-winter’ to symbolise the state of Mytton and Nicola’s relationship. You basically half expect a funeral pyre to start being built by the altar.
Sam’s pouring hot mulled wine into glasses, which always worries me lest the wine glasses burst into a thousand shards and take an eye out. Wheeze asks Sam if he has cheated on Tiff. Sam says no, but that he did kiss someone in Nottingham (the sheriff perhaps?).
Rosie is wearing a black veil for her walk in the park with Jamie, like Lady Death. Giant chess! Binky breaks a giant pawn. The game consequently ends. Wheeze announces that Alik is coming over for the fake new year’s party and that she doesn’t want to move to the states with him. Meanwhile, across the pond we are introduced to Mitch! AKA the Lord of All Things Leather. Mitch is basically Alik but with a cigar and a neckerchief.
Jamie’s throwing a party at Warwick Castle. It is, of course, masked. JP has been given a red Ferrari to arrive in, just for the hell of it. He is also wearing a sort of feline mask, which looks a bit like he grabbed it out of the post-Halloween bargain bin at Wilko. Alik asks why the hell he and Binky haven’t said I love you yet. JP retaliates by asking why the hell Wheeze hasn’t moved to New York yet. Nothing like a lack of commitment to see in the new year. JP then quietly tells Binky that he could love her. He doesn’t, but he could.
Mytton breaks up with Nicola, but has the sense to remove his mask for this particular serious discussion. She doesn’t unfortunately and keeps hers on. Then she exits the castle down a windswept stone tunnel like Anne de Beauchamp, 15th Countess of Warwick on her way to the gallows.
Alik tells Wheeze that Mitch hates her. Sam tells Tiff that he kissed the sheriff of Nottingham. Mark Francis lets Toff talk to his face, rather than his answerphone.
Andrew Bullock is a producer, presenter and writer. You can read more at www.drewjbullock.wordpress.com
