Wave: It’s Not You…
Each month, dating coach Tammy James answers your relationship questions
I have been single for two years and although I seem to go on lots of dates, they never seem to go anywhere and I’m often the one that gets dumped. I’m finding it harder and harder to pick myself up and stay positive. Am I destined to be single forever?
It sounds to me like you may have become fixed purely on the goal of finding a partner. You’re either dating people that you’re not compatible with, or your desire to suss out a date as a potential long-term relationship is too obvious. I know it’s hard to see dating as a fun and relaxed experience at the best of times but if you’re solely intent on finding your next big relationship your dates are likely to pick up on that. The important thing here is that you say dating is beginning to knock your self esteem. Take a break from it for a while and focus on doing things you enjoy. You will find someone, however you’ll increase your chances and your own personal resilience if you keep it in perspective and see it as a part of who you are, not your raison d’être. Dating shouldn’t be a chore and when it is, it’s time to reassess the approach you’ve been taking. Read my blog on enjoying being single for further pointers. http://itsnotyouitsmecoaching.blogspot.com
I met a great girl in a bar and I said I would call her. I read somewhere that you shouldn’t call someone you like for at least three days after going out. Is that true?
I get so annoyed by the dating books that advocate waiting a certain number of days before contacting someone. What this does is start a pattern of second guessing and game playing, which is never healthy in a relationship. Throw the rule book out and contact them when you think it’s the right time. If you liked her and enjoyed the connection you made, then why not let her know? I personally would text someone the following day and then arrange a time to talk.
I love my boyfriend to bits but he’s terrible at buying me presents. It’s my birthday soon, so how do I get my boyfriend to buy me something I’ll really like?
Although we have the romantic notion that our loved ones should know us well enough to know what to buy us, sadly lots of men really struggle. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you – he’s just rubbish at choosing gifts! Quite simply, you’ve got to tell him what you’d like. He’ll appreciate the help!
If you have a relationship problem you’d like answering please email it to info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Please note Tammy cannot enter into personal correspondence with you unless your problem is chosen for publication. Please indicate your email is from Wave.
Email: info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Web: www.itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Twitter: @itsnotyouitsme_
Tammy James Msc, is director of Itsnotyouitsme.co.uk, a coaching practice specialising in dating and relationships. Using a combination of coaching techniques and good old fashioned advice, itsnotyouitsme.co.uk provides one-to-ones and group workshops.
