Ruby Grimshaw finds herself heading for a fall

It was 8.30am last Sunday morning and I was leaving by the front door on the way to my riding lesson. I was about to lock the front door and I think that when I realised that daughter C, down for the weekend, was still in bed and that I only had to pull the door to, I must have moved or turned in an unaccustomed way. (I did once lock the door on her and she never let me forget how she had had to battle her way out through the secondary glazing which had not been opened since it had been put in, and then force open sash windows that had likewise not been used for years.)

Anyway, for whatever reason, I tripped on the top stone step and began to fall down the rest of the flight of seven, and found that it is true that your brain works fast and furiously in these extreme situations. I began to plan whether I would be able to travel in plaster to Borneo next month and whether Daughter C would be able to stay for a few days in order to visit me in hospital.

“I found that it is true that your brain works fast and furiously in these extreme situations”

As I took off I made a definite decision to aim myself at the concrete pillar at the bottom of the flight of steps. I flung my arms around it and held on long enough to swivel and fall backwards onto the pavement on my bottom. With my legs and arms wriggling in the air I now knew what Ernie (my escaping tortoise) must feel like when he inadvertently tips himself over. Fortunately I did not have to wait like him to be tipped back over again, which was just as well because the street was empty and not a person came to my aid. I managed to hobble to my car and later heave myself up onto a horse. Everyone in the class seemed to think it was very amusing, kept asking me how my bum was feeling and someone suggested we should practise our sitting trot. My friend, the doctor, riding in front of me, remarked that it would have been very sad if my riding career had been terminated with a simple fall down stairs when I was stone-cold sober. I did not ask whether he meant that being bucked off a horse and breaking my neck while drunk would be much more satisfying.

Anyway, I’m just glad that I got away with a badly skinned thumb and a bruised bottom. I don’t think using a Zimmer frame in the jungle would be that easy.