Hair raising
There’s a new Freeview channel launching this week. Really? Yes, Really. Now that we’ve got that gag out of the way, the channel is called Really and its heralding Hair Battle Spectacular as one of the major new programmes in its schedule. This is a UK premiere, but then so was The Real Housewives Of New Jersey at one point and I’m not waiting on tenterhooks for the next episode of that. The proof is in the pudding, and is hair really enough to draw attention to Really?
In considering the answer it’s best to note that this isn’t ordinary hair, but fantasy hair – the kind Lady Gaga wears, incorporating props and themes and a good sense of balance in the model. It’s also an elimination competition similar to the very successful Project Catwalk, and it has the mix of artistic temperments that enjoys veiled threats in: “You better be getting back to your station!”. Oh, and rather spiffy monikers for its contestants ranging from The Boss, to Fingaz all the way to Cajmonet (Cash, money – geddit?). They could all easily be members of a Disney Fagin’s Gang: The Next Generation, as not a one has a regular name they stick with. You get the feeling that the name their mama gave them isn’t good enough, but don’t you go dissing their mama *incorporate some finger snaps here*. Yup, it’s growing on me.
“Don’t you go dissing their mama *incorporate some finger snaps here*”
The premise is simple: our competitors are given a whole load of weaves, colours, chicken wire and polystyrene, and a theme on which to construct their latest creation. They also have an opponent that in this opening episode was determined by a shorter competition to see who would pick the pairs competing against each other. At the end of the big Glam Slam (they actually call it that) the contestants are divided into Hair Dos and Hair Dont’s, depending upon who won their face offs. A winner and loser are then selected from these two groups. It’s a basic structure over which to drape the general bitching, bravado and soap opera-ness of the players’ interactions. A bit like that Marie Antoinette birdcage idea.
Mentor and judge Derek J brings a smidge of class to the proceedings, as an incredibly respected fastasy hair stylist and a contributor to comedian Chris Rock’s hair documentary ‘Good Hair’. He is the Ben de Lisi of this show, and as such seems to have a fondness for these diamonds in the rough. You can bet that by the end some may well have been shorn but others will have been conditioned and given a deep treatment to leave them looking shinier and healthier than ever before.
Alright, so maybe it’s not the classy HBO series some may have seen as a flagship series, but already I’m interested in what’s going to happen next week. And surely that’s all they’re after for now. Repeat viewing.
Hair Battle Spectacular, Really, Thursday 4 August
