Wave: It’s Not You

Each month, dating coach Tammy James answers your relationship questions

I have been single for 18 months now. I have met a few men and everything seems to go wonderfully for the first few weeks and then they stop calling me. I am very much a person who wears their heart on their sleeve and I let them know I like them so don’t understand why they don’t want to see me. Where am I going wrong?

It could be that you’re going on dates with people you aren’t that suited to, or it could be because you’re being too open with them. Being open about how you feel is essential in a relationship, however, in the early stages you need to be a bit more guarded. When you first start dating someone, you’re both trying to suss out how you feel about each other and although it can be really helpful to share how you feel, some may find it a bit overpowering and back off. It may seem a little unnatural, but in the first month don’t have any conversations about how you feel, just focus on whether you’re having fun. If it is going to lead to a relationship, you’ll have plenty of time to talk about it.

I would like to go into education again but I feel a bit let down by my partner as he doesn’t seem to think it is such a good idea. How can I convince him this is right for me?

If you want to increase your chances of convincing your husband, you have to do your research and show that you’ve really thought through the impact this will have. What would going back to college give you and your family that you don’t currently have? Don’t just think of the job prospects, but think about how you will all benefit if you’re working towards something you really believe in. You then need to research all the practical stuff: how would you be financially impacted? What support is available from the government or the academic institue? Consider whether part-time study could give you what you need, but allow you to continue working. Once you’ve done this you need to sit down and talk it through with him. If he loves you, he’ll want to help find a way to make it work.

My boyfriend and I recently got engaged after being together for six months. I said yes but I’m not sure I’m ready.

Getting married is a big decision and not one you should take to please others. Feeling overwhelmed when you first get engaged is perfectly natural, but if you have doubts about your compatibility then you need to do something about this. The only way to know whether you’re right for each other is time and if you’ve only been together for six months, you’ve still got lots to learn about each other. You have to talk to your fiancée about this before he starts choosing napkins!

Wave readers can get a £10 discount off my Successful Dating Workshop by quoting INYIMW10 – email info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk for dates and to secure your place.

If you have a relationship problem you’d like answering please email it to info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Please note Tammy cannot enter into personal correspondence with you unless your problem is chosen for publication. Please indicate your email is from Wave.
Email: info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk, Web: www.itsnotyouitsme.co.uk, Twitter: @itsnotyouitsme_