Tasha Dhanraj plans to extend her social circle

All my college and school friends have gone away to university. No longer can I walk through any supermarket in the Mid Sussex area on a Saturday afternoon and see one of my contemporaries sitting at the till. They’ve all left. They’ve gone to find new supermarkets to work at in their spare time in places like Manchester, Southampton and Lancashire. Meanwhile, I’m still shopping at these supermarkets. Ambling around to buy sweet potatoes and blackcurrant flavoured cider is far less exciting when you know you’re not going to see your best friend from Year 9 in a uniform appearing from one of the aisles to say hello.

Even the comforting cave of Facebook is now just a cold reminder that I have been left behind. Any profile pictures that once featured me have been deleted and replaced with pictures of their new bezzies that they met at the Fresher’s party. Every time I log on I am confronted with some news item of ‘Lucy has added Kings College London to her education’ or ‘Alex is attending York Fresher’s Ball 2011.’ My last Facebook status update was ‘Tasha Dhanraj steamed some salmon.’

“Even the comforting cave of Facebook is a cold reminder that I’ve been left behind”

They all seem to be having a wonderful time and I’m really happy for them. Heck, I know I wouldn’t be going to the same university as any of them, and even if I was then we would probably be in different halls, different classes and within weeks end up hanging out with different people. And it’s not like I even hung out with them much while we were in the same college. During my last year of Sixth Form I barely ever saw any of my fellow 18 year olds outside of education. I was too busy being horribly ill, seeing my boyfriend or working.

I am pining after friends who I was never really that close to. I seem to be getting nostalgic about times that never happened. I think what is most difficult for me to deal with about my contemporaries settling into university and making new friends is that at my very core I am terrified that it won’t happen that way for me. I’m going off to uni next year. I am making sure I push myself into making friends outside the comedy world that I have immersed myself in at the expense of getting close to college friends. Knowing what I did wrong is the only way I can change the future.