Britain’s Got Talent: Lynn Ruth Miller’s rap for Simon Cowell
Lynn Ruth Miller is 78 years young and still stripping. But this award-winning burlesque star granny is better known as one of the funniest women alive. I am a bit biased as I’ve been making a TV show with her but all my thoughts were echoed by the judges on ITV1’s Britain’s Got Talent on Saturday 4 April:
“Fantastic routine. Brilliant one liners. Yes,” said David Walliams.
“You had great spirit and you made me laugh. Yes,” said Alesha Dixon.
“We have never had a mature lady comedienne on stage before and I thought you were very funny. Well done. Yes,” said Amanda Holden.
“Congratulations” said Mr Walliams, and Lynn Ruth Miller was voted through by three votes to one by the judges. The audience loved her and the compere of Britain’s Got More Talent, Stephen Mulhern adopted her as his own granny. But she’s not going to be on the show anymore? Why? Because Simon says!
“We’re just not on the same wavelength,” said Mr Cowell.
Now we know it’s Simon’s show and without him it’s not too hot! We love Simon but even talent show gods can be wrong! So we’ve launched a campaign to get Lynn Ruth back on the show. If she gets back on she will win it! Let’s face it, everyone loves her but Simon. But we also want Simon to stop pretending to be Mr Nasty and start being his true self – Mr Nice. We know you come to see your mum near Brighton and what a good son you are.
Lynn Ruth has written a song for Simon Cowell and if he doesn’t come round she’s promised to do it on The Voice UK!
Simon, love your granny, not Dannii! And let her back on the show.
“Simon, love your granny, not Dannii!”
To show your support for Lynn Ruth Miller, ‘like’ her facebook page www.facebook.com/LynnRuthMiller and if you want to see her amazing performance on Britain’s Got More Talent go to thelatest.tv and click on Lynn Ruth Miller. Oh, and if you’re a TV exec, buy our show Lynn Ruth Miller Is Living The Dream.
Lynn Ruth Miller’s rap for Simon Cowell:
Hey Simon!
The entire time I did my act
I watched your face with chemicals packed
It really moved, your face that is
It cracked a smile, it laughed, it fizzed
You thought my jokes weren’t really true
But they’re our future, yes me and you
Man, ageing is really nothing to fear
As long as you don’t look in the mirror
I can do everything I used to do
This medication sure sees me through
The population is getting older
And little old ladies are acting bolder
And Mister straight face whether you like it or not
Youth always fades and age is hot, hot, hot
But I ain’t mad, and I ain’t bitter
You’ve got me trending all over Twitter
And like Muhammad Ali, my words are my left hook
Now I’ve got all-age fans all over Facebook
I am proof anyone can make a new start
And chase the dream that’s in their heart
You may think me a sly old fox
At least I’m not plied with botox
And pumped up with your oxygen
My air is fresh, just like my men
(used to be!) Keep your nasty, keep your mean
Or give a chance to this comic queen
Yeah!
Bill Smith is Managing Editor of Latest 7/Homes magazine and a director of Latest TV.
Images: copyright ITV Pictures
