Matt Whistler on his day as a donkey

Somewhere between the two piers, a realisation hit. Grab the Clown of Death my two man boat, attach a hidden metal sheet to the bottom, wear a donkey outfit and get a hundred people dressed as Cleopatra to pull me whilst I (the donkey) graze on Astro turf grass in the boat. The Cleopatras grip the rope attached to the front of the boat and circumnavigate a roundabout at 5am, when there is no traffic around and then come to a grinding halt at the bottom of a hill when the lights go red. During this action I am still hurtling towards my boat, ‘Luggers’, and they all dive off to one side whilst I sail through on red.

I am not entirely sure of the legality are of a grazing donkey in a two man boat, racing through a red light. There might also be an issue with keeping the boat in a straight line and the donkey (me) rotating 360 degrees whilst speeding through a junction. I suppose it’s a statement on rotating donkeys and how donkeys just don’t get enough opportunity these days to rotate.

The other issue of course is how do you bring the donkey to a grinding halt? Perhaps if I padded myself I could hurtle out of the boat, tumble and crash into a weird Yogic tangle and grind to a dishevelled standstill. It’s a huge pain in the arse not having a budget, guess I will just have to stick to modelling with plasticine.