Ruby Grimshaw doesn’t mind being overheard

I think I owe an apology to two unknown men who were in the Sussex Cricketer last week. I was meeting up with three women friends for our monthly chance to chew over the fat.

The pub was almost empty when we arrived and since I had my back to the room I assumed we were alone in our own little corner. We spent some time choosing our meal and the wine and then got down to the serious business of catching up on news.

How we then got onto the subject of a woman’s difficulty in spending a penny when you are a) in the desert with no bush to hide behind b) in the jungle with lots of bushes but too many people or c) on a small boat where the loo has packed up, is difficult to explain.

“There were loud cries of protest from a couple of my friends”

I had given my usual spiel how women should never pee ‘in case’ but instead teach themselves to hold on, and there were loud cries of protest from a couple of my friends. (The other two were already converts.) Stories of personal lavatorial embarrassment followed and suddenly we were all laughing in that helpless way, doubled over and incapable of stopping. A moment of calm and control came but then a giggle escaped and we were all powerless with mirth again. The stupid thing is I cannot remember to tell you what the actual precipitating joke had been.

At this point we all felt that ordering a second bottle of wine would be much cheaper than buying odd glassfuls. This decision probably goes some way to explain how we moved so smoothly onto the next subject – female orgasm. Further levity. Someone had a friend who had a friend who experienced one under any stressful situation. More personal experiences were related and I wished that I had invited our lovely local comedienne Lynn Ruth Miller along who would have been right in her element. We would have been even noisier though.

This all made me wonder what I would hear if I eavesdropped middle aged and elderly men’s conversations. As we left, the two men on the table nearby gave us all very strange looks. I bet their conversation had been boring by contrast. Still, I promise that next time we meet we will talk about jam making, Coronation Street and the price of milk. As if! I probably don’t need to apologise at all. I bet you two enjoyed our chat as much as we did.