Julie Hayward: What’s the NHS coming to?

I fear that 50 Shades Of Grey is taking over the world or at least Brighton – everyone’s at it.

Last Sunday afternoon I went for tea at a friend’s and whilst I didn’t expect it to be all cucumber sandwiches and more tea vicar, I wasn’t prepared for a blow by blow (no pun intended) account of how turned on she’d become when reading 50 Shades, as I ate my scones and jam.

It’s her partner I feel sorry for, he’s been off work with a slipped-disc, so strongly were her passions aroused.

The next morning I had an appointment at the doctor’s to see if my ears needed syringing. Whilst waiting my turn I overhead the nurse telling a colleague how much she’d enjoyed 50 Shades.

On examing my ears she said they were fine, but she recommended I purchase 50 Shades to spice up my sex life. I told her that wouldn’t be hard to do considering my sex life is non existent. She confided to me that she’d exhausted her husband with her demands.

It’s a shame they don’t prescribe vibrators on the NHS…

One thing I know for certain, is that 50 Shades should come with a health warning for partners of the people who read it.