Matt Whistler gets ready for some heat!

Hot, hot, hot! Take your most embarrassing moment, feel the moment and intensify it by visualising a million fire crackers travelling through your left ear into your brain, then towards your right ear. You thought it was a walk in the park; complacency and over confidence put you in a dangerous mind-set.

Whilst listening to a military drum beat on your MP3, a cocky stride takes you to the destination. The crowd at the venue will be waiting in anticipation; there’s always a thick air and uncertainty that glues everyone together. The previous morning you practise with a small piece, then a bigger piece, then an even bigger piece. You dive into the bath and stick your high pressure shower head in your gob with gallons of water hurtling past your throat. Emergency services are required but you don’t pick up the phone; you stand tall and salute your chopping board. You can’t afford the luxury of thinking about pain and drop a glass cup on your big toe to prove to yourself that being invisible is key to the success.

Only the hardcore pull through; wimps will shrivel and disappear into a puff of patheticness…
I’m geared to host the Man Vs Fire event in the Fiery Foods Chilli Festival (FFCF) on Friday 14 September and will be wearing a weighted Trilby to prevent it from shooting up in the air. Toot toot, all aboard! You thought a can of ginger beer had some kick… you thought wrong.

Warning: do not try this at home. Come and see a fine mixture of funny psychos at the FFCF in the annual chilli-eating competition. They mean business. It’s in Victoria Gardens 14–16 September. On Friday I will be wearing my high-altitude pressure release boots just in case I take off and my feet start expanding. Wear your fire retardant gloves and check out www.fieryfoodsuk.co.uk and
http://bit.ly/Qoe7dV