Julie Hayward: The end is nigh

Can someone tell me what’s going on with the Archer’s? Things are getting distinctly hot under the collar with Lilian and Paul, and Lilian’s still got Matt bending over backwards to please her. I’m so jealous, Matt’s booked a surprise, romantic getaway to New York. Let’s hope the weather there has calmed down, unlike the elements we’re getting thrown at us in England.

Clary’s not been in evidence for months – the actor who plays Clary has left the programme. I think they’ve found someone else to step into her slippers but I reckon she’s being kept out of the programme for a while as the producers of the Archer’s are probably hoping that listeners forget what the original Clary sounded like, making it easier for the ‘new’ Clary to take over as the long suffering wife of Eddie.

The lead up to christmas hasn’t been the same this year without Clary knee deep in turkey feathers.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about (join the club), you need to start tuning in to the Archers. It used to be a simple tale of country folk, but over the last few years it’s got more steamy, though still nothing compared to East Enders. It’s not only for middle aged women either, my daughter has been a fan since she was 11, though when she got to her teenage years she begged me not to tell any of her friends, so as not to spoil her street cred.

The world didn’t come to an end on Friday 21st December, but I think it is the beginning of the end, the process is just being dragged out. The constant, steady, downpourings from heaven, the fire at Preston Park train station creating havoc to the train timetable and boosting bums on coach seats, as trains from Brighton to Victoria,have become an even rarer occurrence than usual. Vomit bugs, according to the media, are sweeping the country and Polar bears are running out of ice at a rate of knots and the price of Marmite has gone sky high.

The only bright spark on the horizon that I can see, is that we’ve had the shortest day – 21st December, marked by the annual ‘burning of the clocks’ so we’re on the right side of moving towards longer day, so maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.