Andrew Kay talks about being bullied because of your sexuality

Bully off

I received the news that the House Of Commons had voted in favour of same sex marriage with delight. It was a much needed signal to the world that, good as civil partnerships were, they did not offer equality.

Sad though that the Conservative members, despite claiming that they support equality, could only muster less than a 50 per cent of the vote in favour.

Now if less than half the party cannot support this motion then surely they cannot truly support equality? Am I being picky? I think not.

Equality is essential for all and in every sense, but there is a much deeper seated problem that affects gay people. Within our schools there is no positive Department of Education programme of education regarding homosexuality, bisexuality or transgender issues.

I recently spoke at an awareness event in Brighton organised by Allsorts, one of the city’s best charity organisations. Allsorts supports young men and women who are gay, bi or trans or perhaps simply undecided. It’s run by an amazingly dedicated team but most impressively the work they do seems to be actioned by the young people who use or have used their services.

I was humbled by the eloquence of the speakers at the dinner. Their clarity of thought, their vision and their determinedness is impressive. What is not impressive became obvious to me after I had made my speech.

I had been invited to speak by Karl Jones. Karl is co-owner of Moshimo and a massive supporter of Allsorts. He asked me to talk about my childhood experiences as a young gay man and about coming out. This I did.

In writing my speech I felt a sense of release. I had never put it down in words and it certainly had a cathartic effect, opening a few cans of worms but also laying some ghosts.

I was bullied because I was different. I was called a fairy from the bottom of the art room, taunted because I had long curly hair and generally called every name that can be associated with being gay in a derogatory sense. On the whole it was mental bullying, there were a few violent moments, but it was mainly verbal abuse.

I peppered my speech with anecdotes, some funny to lighten the tone, some more painful. I hope it made sense. I wanted to say that I was lucky, that I turned adversity into strength. I wanted to thank the headmaster who was supportive and to vilify the chemistry teacher who was not.

“Forty years on, young men and women are still being bullied because of their sexuality”

It was after the event that I realised the very sad truth. I was bullied for being gay in the late 1960s and early 1970s. That’s over 40 years ago.

Forty years on, young men and women are still being bullied because of their sexuality.

Quite clearly this is not acceptable. Allsorts will continue their great work as will so many of the excellent organisations that we heard from that night. But the truth is that the problem needs to be tackled in schools, in children’s formative years. I’m not asking for the promotion of homosexuality, those of us who are know it. What we need is clear educational guidance that will support those who are and to educate those who are not to be accepting. I’m not asking for tolerance either. We don’t want to be tolerated. Tolerance means that I must accept that what I am is wrong. It’s not. I’m not.

I’ve managed to write this without once referring to the religious groups that find all this so difficult. I say to them: “Get your own houses in order before you dare comment on how we, the gay, bi and trans population of the world live our lives.” I rest my case.
www.allsortsyouth.org.uk