Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Hove factually

Five more facts you didn’t know…



1. Not many people know that “Bed World” on Portland Road is actually, as its title suggests, in and of itself, a complete world populated by walking, talking beds, with their own government, legislature, language, customs, mores, and religion.

2. The 2003 motion picture Love Actually was originally to be titled Hove Actually, and would have starred Hugh Grant and Kate Winslet as an elderly Orthodox couple eating chicken soup and complaining. It was changed at the last minute after protests from Rabbi Lionel Blue.

3. In Finnish, the word “Hove” means “sex crime.”

4. Hove has a “galoshes mountain” following a serious miscalculation in 1934 by the procurer for the borough council, who gravely overestimated the demand for the aforementioned waterproof footwear when he ordered 22,000,000 pairs to be shipped from Nymagen. Hove residents are still servicing the debt to this day.

5. In Hove a man may divorce his wife merely by removing his trousers and then putting them on again back-to-front. However, there must be three witnesses present: one a member of the wife’s family, and another an admiral in the Royal Navy.

Edward De Bonehead’s Lateral Thinking Puzzles

NO. 10: THE AEROPLANE
A jet aeroplane is halfway between London and Milan, cruising at an altitude of 20,000 feet. Suddenly both engines burst into flames and the plane goes into free-fall, as the pilot announces over his intercom that everyone should assume crash positions. Everybody panics except one passenger, Jonathan, who sits calmly cleaning his teeth. Why?

SOLUTION TO LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE:
It is the year 1103. Eddie is a Saracen and Steve is a crusader.

In & Out

Special ‘Top Brand Meat Products You Have Loved’ Edition Part 2
In
• Pek Chopped Pork
• Plumrose Cocktail Sausages
• Fray Bentos Pies
• Tyne Brand Stuffed Pork Roll
• Celebrity
Lunch Tongue

Out
• Birdseye Steakhouse Grills
• Mattheson’s Smoked Sausage
• Sutherland Spreads
• Ye Olde Oak Turkey Roll
• Findus Crispy Pancakes