Bare cheek: Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s
Etiquette with Hetty Kwet
Dear Hetty,
I am shortly to be married; it will be a C of E service in my local church. My problem is, I don’t know who I should get to “give me away.”
My father died many years ago, and I have virtually no male relatives. I do have an uncle, but not only is he a convicted sex-offender, but he looks almost exactly like Adolf Hitler, and I fear having him do the job would not go down well.
Probably my best friend in the world, and the person I feel closest too, is my elder sister Susan. Would it be acceptable to have her give me away, or is having a woman do it not the done thing? Please help as I do not know what to do for the best.
Lucy Pascoe, Saltdean
Dear Lucy,
Well, I would have said the best thing to do was to consult the vicar, but, unbelievably, some vicars are actually female these days, like that obese woman in the TV comedy show, so actually I wouldn’t advise that.
Debrett’s has a useful rhyme on this very topic:
Your wedding time’s a-coming.
Who will give you away?
Your father or your uncle,
With hair of white and grey.
If you can’t get a male person,
A transexual will do.
If you can’t get a transexual
Then God help you!
So there you go. Hope this has been of some help.
Hetty X
More reasons to see…
EVENTS IN BRIGHTON £5 FRINGE!
A couple of weeks back we listed five reasons why the fringe festival with top acts and low prices is returning this year with events all over the city from 3rd May till 3rd June is a must. But if you’re not persuaded yet, here are five more reasons why you should take a look at our new website www.brighton5poundfringe.com
to see what’s on:
1 Did we mention that each ticket cost no more than five pounds?
2 This year we have several premieres by nationally respected artists. And us.
3 Two of our dedicated venues, The Lord Nelson Inn and The Caxton Arms, are right in the heart of town. They are also great boozers, so their proximity to the nightbus route is a definite plus.
4 As all our events cost no more than £5, you can see 20 for, at the very most, £100. Sorry if this is obvious – it just seemed worth pointing out. I mean – you might not want to see twenty shows. But some people are crazy and you might be one of them. Anyway, the point is, if you are crazy, and you do want to see twenty shows, it won’t cost you very much if you do.
5 Did we mention that each ticket costs no more than five pounds, while some events are free?
There’s no deadline for registration, so keep checking the site for new shows. If you are an artist and want to get involved please email info@brighton5poundfringe.com
In & Out
SPECIAL “EROTIC NOVELTIES NOT SEEN MUCH THESE DAYS” EDITION
In
• Passion Pills
• Those pens where the lady takes her clothes off when you turn them upside down
• Novelty posing pouches
Out
• French maid aprons with inflatable bosom
• Nude playing cards
• Inflatable sheep
SPECIAL “EROTIC NOVELTIES NOT SEEN MUCH THESE DAYS” EDITION
In
• Passion Pills
• Those pens where the lady takes her clothes off when you turn them upside down
• Novelty posing pouches
Out
• French maid aprons with inflatable bosom
• Nude playing cards
• Inflatable sheep
