Lynn Ruth Miller finds naked is as naked does

Americans do not seem to mind watching murder on the television, and they love watching heads flying and limbs severed at the movies. They like the rat-a-tat-tat of gunfire, bodies strewn across the pavement and little children crying for their lost mummies and daddies. It seems the more violence, the better. That is the American way.

The truth is that violence and tragedy make great entertainment. So does pornography. Americans actually prefer to watch lust happening even more than they like doing it. Porn is almost as popular in America as violence. Both are watched every day and we love it all.

“No more can San Francisco citizens strip to the flesh and bathe in the afternoon sun”

But let some poor schnook walk outside to get the newspaper in the altogether and he ignites public outrage. “It offends me to see anyone that way,” said one insulted observer.
“It is disgusting.”

That is why San Francisco decided to compromise its image of freedom of expression and tolerance of the odd-ball and ban public nudity from its streets. No more can raunchy old men spread a towel on a stone bench and sun themselves in the Castro district. No more can its citizens strip to the flesh to bathe in the afternoon sun. San Francisco now supports the theory that our bodies are so hideous they must be concealed in public. No matter that liberated women, forward thinking men and eating disorder specialists are trying to make us comfy with our diverse shapes and sizes. In San Francisco, it seems it is PC to be ashamed.

Now it seems that the Japanese, too are offended by nudity, but they have taken it one step further. They do not want to see representations of the human body, much less the real thing. Michelangelo’s David was presented to the town of Okuizumo and the inhabitants ran for cover. “It’s frightening the children and worrying the adults with its nakedness,” said one of the town’s bigwigs.

I can only assume that they have also stripped their museums of reproductions of Van Gogh’s ‘Nude Woman on a Bed’ or Renoir’s ‘After Bathing’, not to mention Whistler’s shocking ‘Nude Girl with a Bowl’.

Obviously, the very sight of a naked body horrifies the more sensitive among us. It is difficult to understand why we think the sight of breasts and genitalia will frighten children more than the sight of shattered limbs and battered heads. Will our innocent youth smash the bathroom mirror when they one day see those very banned organs protruding from their own bodies?

The truth is that in America it appears that our bodies are considered offensive unless we film them and flaunt them on a screen. The only answer to this dilemma is to cover every baby at birth with ornamental tattoos so that as they mature, no one will recognise the new growth. And everyone will be amazed when it rises to the occasion.

I don’t even like to be naked
In front of myself!
– Camryn Manheim

The male body is hairy and lumpy
And should not be seen by the light of day
– Richard Roeper