Bare Cheek: What’s not on
Things you won’t see during May’s festivals
IAN STOPCOCK – The author of The Potentate’s Ice Cream Cone and Bird Dream in conversation with his wife, the novelist Lisa Rickshaw. Topics covered are expected to be who last had the car keys and whether or not the new cleaner has been nicking the silver.
The Foxhole. 20th May.
7.00 PM. £8/£7
IS THE WHOLE OF TWENTIETH CENTURY CULTURE A LOAD OF OLD RUBBISH OR WHAT? – Debate, chaired by the TV’s Peter Keen, featuring novelist and cultural commentator Jaz Bungay and poetess Floella Bing. Special appearance by Bobby Knutt.
Albion Hill Methodist Church.
21st May. 10.30 AM. £6/£5
ALL MOUTH NO TROUSERS: PANIC ROOM – The celebrated physical theatre troupe present what they term “a mime with speech and music.” This dark piece contains strobe lighting, nudity, strong language and farting.
Brighton College Samba Centre.
21st May. 9.00 PM. £11/£9
THE TINSEL MOUSE – Come with the tinsel mouse, away to the streamer forest, where we’ll meet friends the
foil fox, the graph paper lemur and the owl made of socks. Can they defend their home from the black bears of blancmange? You’ll need a stiff drink after this, I’m telling you.
Kemptown Dream Academy. 22nd May. 9.30 AM. £9/£8
DON’T PUT CUSTARD IN THE TOASTER! – Harrowing depiction of what actually does happen if you put custard in the toaster. Contains scenes of disfigurement and grisly death.
Dell’Arte Theatre. 23rd. 10.30 AM. £7/£8
Hove factually
FIVE MORE ASTOUNDING FACTS ABOUT FANTABULOUS HOVE
1 In the 1976 Doctor Who spin-off paperback “Doctor Who and the Emissary of Evil” by Malcolm Hulke, the doctor and assistant Sarah Jane Smith battle androids in 1920s Aldrington.
2 In the Inuit language “Hove” means “trouser snake.”
3 Hove has its own pub measures; a single measure of spirits being 95 ml and a “Hove pint” being 15 ml of beer.
4 In 1968 Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, in an attempt to eclipse the Beatles’ “Sergeant Pepper”, moved to a beach hut in Hove and began recording his masterpiece, provisionally titled “Pebbles.” Unfortunately after cutting only three tracks the reclusive genius started to believe that he was Dads’ Army actor James Beck, and was arrested and deported after trying to break into BBC Television Centre. The album was never finished.
5 The earliest recorded version of the Robin Hood legend mentions an outlaw and merry man called “Hob of Hove”, a homicidal pastry chef who ends up sexually assaulting the Sheriff of Nottingham with a rolling pin. In later versions he is replaced with Friar Tuck.
In & Out
In
• Onion breath
• Police brutality
• Topov
• One of Our Dinosaurs
is Missing
• Fiona Wright
Out
• The Heimlich Manoeuvre
• Andy Crane
• Riboflavin
• Comedy-dramas based around someone winning the National Lottery
• Cress
