Lynn Ruth Miller: Sugar Grannies?

Teaching is such a poorly paid profession that many young educators have joined a dating website called Sugar Babies. This is a service that pairs young women with older men for “companionship.” They charge an average of £2,000 a visit. Personally, having gone out with several very old men myself, I think they are giving themselves away. Do they realise what they are getting into? Once they discover that chronic erectile dysfunction, loss of memory and incontinence are but the tip of the iceberg, they will realise that the current fee is cheap at the price.

It seems to me that there is a neglected market here. Why can’t older women do the same in reverse? I am all for creating a website for Sugar Grannies to offer their services to younger men. The benefits are so obvious. There isn’t a young man in the world who can figure out how to romance a partner properly on his own. The only person who can teach him these days is his father, and you know how unlikely it is that a daddy has any technique. The older a man is, the more his strategy was get ‘em drunk, give ‘em a roofie or pay for a quickie. By the time he is settled and locked into a relationship, he thinks the best way to get laid is to remember to take out the trash.

“Every young Lothario needs an impartial coach, and what better teacher than a woman of a certain age”

The truth is that every young Lothario needs an impartial coach, and what safer, better teacher than a woman of a certain age? Think of the advantages: no worries about becoming an unexpected father; no inconvenient time of the month; no problem if she gets possessive, she’ll kick off in a year or two anyway.

Every woman knows that young men in their twenties make marvellous raw material for women like me. Think of it! A dowager can teach him patience; she can show him what foreplay really means; she can encourage him when he is done before she has begun.

I believe a service like this could well become a necessary prerequisite for a relationship of any kind. Every woman should insist that her partner-to-be enrol in a 6-month training period with an older woman to learn the ropes of a romantic communication and mutual satisfaction. A course like this is far more important than a prenuptial agreement. The truth is, if you get a young man trained soon enough, you won’t need a pre-nupt agreement. He will be properly housebroken and ready to love. In short, with proper discipline and good reinforcement, an older woman can transform any little devil into a keeper.

And let’s not forget the advantages to the national economy. Women over 70 will no longer need government assistance. After all, £2,000 a night can buy a lot of porridge and they still ride the bus for free.

Older women are like French bread.
The crust is tough, but soft in the middle.
– Lynn Ruth

Watch Lynn Ruth Miller at thelatest.TV