Telly Talk: Square eyed

At my grandparents’ house the television was always a constant in the background and it used to drive my mother spare. “Just a moment’s quiet so that we can talk without having to talk over something,” she used to ask for. “It keeps the parrot company,” they would counter, and there’s no arguing with that. The thing is, we all have different relationships with our televisions and how we choose to watch programmes, more so now than ever thanks to the internet, On Demand apps and some naughty people stealing programmes as soon as they’re shown Stateside so they can be that precious week ahead of everyone else on the plot stakes. Yes, Masters Of Sex, Homeland and other such show-watchers, you know who you are. And saying you don’t want spoilers from Twitter to, well, spoil your enjoyment of the season twists is no excuse.

I like to watch television by flicking between programmes when the advert breaks come up, effectively half watching two programmes at the same time whilst also checking what my friends are up to on Facebook and Twitter. It’s not a great advert for my attention span, but them’s the breaks. The person I share my television-watching experiences with likes to schedule in our watching experience, with hour-long slots for allowing for maximum catch-up and minimum wastage. If there is the odd ten minute gap, say while dinner’s cooking but not yet ready, then an episode of Adventure Time from NetFlix pretty much does the job.

My brother doesn’t watch television at all, he watches all of his chosen programmes and films on his computer in his room, with a few YouTube clips of things he might like to watch more of previewed on his phone.

My mum has an old 14-inch telly box at the top of the house which may or may not have a built-in video player incorporated it’s so old, and a Freeview box to the side of it. She watches a few chosen programmes but most of the time ignores it like the grey box that it is.

What I’m trying to say here, as I impart my family tree of viewing habits, is that these days how we watch TV can also end up influencing our relationships. It’s like my grandparents said: “It keeps the parrot company.” Which means that it can be a solitary or very social experience. It can interrupt life and it can relieve it – who hasn’t come back from a particularly rough day at work and just popped the TV on for some light relief from ‘real life’? Television – and the act of watching television programmes – permeates our lives, as we invite people round for a season finale party or curl up with the duvet and a guilty secret of adoring a Pointless marathon on iPlayer at the weekend.

Another thing, if you’re not prepared to compromise you mind find that you’re differing viewing habits could become one of those immovable objects in the path of true love/friendship/happy housemates. It could now be another one of those make or break questions you need to get out of the way early. Sting – love or loathe? Downton Abbey – Sunday night, iPlayer or box set? I can tell you that my household has found its own compromises, which allows each of us exclusive time with the remote control, as well as a bit of halfway meeting. Just like with the parrot.

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