Vanessa Austin Locke: Emily Dubberley talks desires
Emily Dubberley is an expert in the field of sex and relationships and has written over 25 books to prove it. Her latest book The Garden of Desires, inspired by Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden, has seen her collect sexual fantasies from over 400 women worldwide.
I will be interviewing Emily about her findings at The Brighton Salon on 28 November, but in the meantime here’s a little foreplay to whet your whistle…
How have you ensured a good cross-section of women in God?
“I tried to be as representative as possible, using Twitter to approach transwomen, women of colour, disabled women, sex workers, asexual women, and other groups of women who are often rendered invisible in the media. I also recruited survey respondents through media including Cliterati.co.uk, The Telegraph, Sydney Morning
Herald and Cosmopolitan. However, no survey can be 100 per cent representative.”
What did you learn through writing the book?
“I was a bit surprised by the overall lack of traditional romantic fantasies. However, a big thing I learned is that there is no way to predict a woman’s fantasies: the innocent-looking little old lady may well be fantasising about group sex with burly builders while the ‘wild’ looking woman may fantasise about a romantic seduction.”
What surprised you most during your research?
“I was surprised by the amount of times Barbie cropped up in women’s earliest fantasies.”
What were the most common fantasies reported?
“There were more submissive and group sex fantasies reported than any other category, and gender fluidity was massively more common than in previous surveys.”
I see men as having a bit of a hard time with their sexuality these days and may be in danger of suppressing it as we’ve suppressed ours. Will you be doing any research on men?
“I agree entirely that there are lots of unfair assumptions made about men that don’t reflect the reality of men I know. I’d really like to follow up with a book on male fantasy but I’m taking a break to write fiction first.”
Do you think we’re in danger of over-exposing sex?
“We are highly exposed to one particular depiction of sex, which is heteronormative and generally designed to sell products… I’d like to see a balanced view of sex depicted by the media, rather than one view of ‘sexy’ that all of us are supposed to aspire to.”
Who are the sex writers and academics of the future?
“The teams for senseaboutsex.com and cliterati.co.uk are both packed with some of the top writers and academics in the field – or follow me @cliterati1 as I tend to retweet any solid articles I see.”
What is your message for women and men of today?
“Accept yourself and don’t be ashamed of your fantasies – they’re your place to explore your desires. And don’t be ashamed if you don’t fantasise either.”
This interview has been heavily edited, so please come along to The Brighton Salon where we can really get into it! The Brighton Salon takes place 28th November, 8pm at The Old Market, Hove. Tickets: £15/£12.
Follow me: @vnessenvy
