Made In Chelsea S7E9: Riley shows up to work at lunchtime
In his Made In Chelsea column, Andrew J Bullock brings you the weekly high & lowdowns from the TV series
Andy and Spenny are flipping each other off at Hampstead Heath Swimming Ponds. Is this supposed to be where posh people go to swim? Because, frankly, I’d rather go to Hounslow Leisure Centre than a pond that is likely filled with London’s raw excrement.
Rosie and Riley have each busted their ripped jeans out of mothballs and happen to bump into each other. After a brief chat, Rosie tells Riley to get to work, with the smirky satisfaction of someone who doesn’t have to work.
“Lucy comments that Binky hasn’t texted her in FIVE WHOLE DAYS”
Stevie gives Jamie Riley’s number as casually as if he is lending him his Summer Heights High box set.
Binky asks Steph if she and Stevie have sexed yet? Steph says no. Binky asks if she’s sure. Poor Binks.
Because Alex has introduced her to a world in which one has shagged so many people during blackouts that one cannot distinguish the difference between making love and taking the bins out, Binky now thinks that everyone else has problems recalling intimate intercourse. Lucy comments that Binky hasn’t texted her in FIVE WHOLE DAYS. Binky then shouts in Lucy’s face and storms off.
Riley finally shows up to work at lunchtime. Who do you think you are Riley with your lax work hours? Karen from Will & Grace? Lucy isn’t happy, so she sacks her! Naturally. Turns out Binky has been shunning Cheska too. Spenny meets Binky for dinner. Binky explains that Alex’s actions proves that he loves her. What, sleeping with everyone on the Oxfordshire/Wiltshire border? Spenny tells her that Cheska loves her and Binky shouts about it angrily. Christ on a bike! Jamie goes to his office and basically asks Lucy to pack up her things and get the hell out. It’s way harsh. First you date her intern, then you take away her office space. Now she’s going to have to rent a storage unit somewhere and work from there. God, Jamie, why don’t you just wee all over her while you’re at it?
TOFF ALERT! She’s in a towel dressing gown getting her nails done at a spa in Buckinghamshire and she’s just bloody fantastic! Riley’s there too but I’m too mesmerised by Toff to give two sh*ts. Wheeze joins Lucy and Fran for drinks. But Lo! Where is Cheska? Apparently she has run off in tears, her head in her hands, stifling her sobs with her pashmina. Why was this not filmed?
Sam’s having a party. OMG, Alex walks in. He is heavily bearded and is wearing the same outfit as Spenny. Everyone gives Alex the Bad Eye – which is the opposite of the Glad Eye.Binky decides to go and tell Lucy and Cheska that they need to stop being such good friends and telling her when Alex cheats on her. It’s just ridiculous and I am very disappointed in Binky. And I say that with a heavy heart.
Nest week’s predictions: Fordy seems to be the topic of choice – this will be dull. Jamie and Lucy seem to be re-addressing their feelings toward each other – this will also be dull.
Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com
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