Lynn Ruth Miller contemplates some very competitive parenting…
Teddies are no picnic at home
Every teacher knows that unless a child is happy at home, the child cannot learn. It seems that in British primary schools, educators have devised a clever way of figuring out what the children in school are doing after they leave the school yard.
Each class has its own teddy bear and every day one lucky pupil can take the teddy home with them. What fun! A teddy all of your own to play with in any way you want! Sounds idyllic, doesn’t it?
But those educators are not sending Teddy home for idle play – they want vital information. They are using Teddy as an undercover agent to find out what each child eats, how they play, and whether their parents give a toss. And so, they added a catch to each home visit: the next day, the Teddy Bear Host must chronicle Teddy’s activities from the classroom to home and back again.
If the scheme worked, teachers could discover what Junior was eating, if he was getting enough sleep, or (God forbid) too much TV. This would give them the clues they needed to figure out why one pupil throws spitballs and the other brings flowers.
“Hosting the school teddy was transformed into a fierce competition”
But the plan backfired, all because our educators radically misjudged the English Mum. It took only one visit for the matriarchal half of our population to catch on to the underlying motive of a teddy bear visit. En masse, they rose to the challenge, and foiled the teachers at their own game. When a child brought home the class teddy, the savvy English Mum devised spectacular adventures for both the kid and the toy. The next day, Junior would regale the class with stories of ice cream parties, trips to the zoo, rollercoaster rides and a quick visit to the nearest Disneyland.
Competition became so fierce in the primary grades of the nation that soon, the stress reduced our mothers to tears. The cost of supplying Teddy (not to mention their child) with excessive treats, trips and gifts became so great that parents were forced to max out their credit cards and shred their budgets. Hosting the school teddy was transformed into a fierce competition.
Parents were shamed into competing with one another to show the teacher that not only is their kid intelligent, does their homework and doesn’t whisper out of turn, but has an exemplary home life where the whole family devotes all their time (and money) to entertaining both them and Teddy, lavishing the two with candy, cake and ice cream, and squiring them to skating rinks and rollercoaster rides instead of making them do the dishes or take out the trash.
The truth is that what makes a child a star in school has nothing to do with the parents’ goals for them. A parent wants their child to be obedient, adoring, clever and quiet. The perfect child does what they are told, and when mum and dad are busy doing what mums and dads do, they turn on the TV or escape to their room. They clean the room, of course, and sleep all through the night. That is what creates parental bliss.
If this competition continues, Junior will become so overindulged that a teddy bear companion will not be enough to satisfy. Teachers will have to send home more exotic pets, and parents will have to escalate their attempts to amuse these ever-new and more demanding playthings. Before we know it, mothers and fathers will be forced to entertain African elephants or a Bengal tiger at the dining table. And God only knows what THEY will eat for dinner.
Probably the children.
“Pamper The Teddy And Spoil The Child.”
– Lynn Ruth and Dr. Spock
