Bare Cheek: A Local Poet Writes

Seventy-four-year-old Ron Outhouse lives in Portslade; his poetry collections Hark!

A Woodpecker, Another Dose Of Outhouse, and Jesus Christ, They’re Letting Them Get Married Now, They’ll Be Making It Compulsory Next, I Tell You.

Eh? Eh? are available from most charity shops. He is a regular (and lively!) contributor to many local newspaper letters pages and radio phone-in programmes.

ON THE BUILDING OF STUDENT ACCOMODATION ON THE SITE OF THE OLD LONDON ROAD CO-OP:

Oh London Road Co op, alas you’re no more, What now is a wasteland was once a fine store.

Selling pencils and carpets and other such things, That were strangely unrelated, such as peanuts and springs.

And now there shoots up behind your facade, A great wacking hostel for students who work hard.

(That last bit was sarcasm by the by, These students don’t work hard, they don’t even try.)

And ’tis said an influx of these buggers workshy, Will help send the local economy sky high.

Well if you ask me that’s very funny, Local drug dealers will be the only ones in the money.

In fact if it was up to yours truly, I’d string ’em up, swiftly and cruelly.

Or conscript the lot to go and fight in Iraq, I mean, let’s face it, quite a lot
of them are…

(The rest of this poem has been moderated – i.e. censored – by our moderator – i.e. censor, for contravening laws on racial abuse and hate crime.)

What was that?

Baffled about the name of a TV show, book, or movie from the past? Mike Hunter is the hombre with all the answers

Dear Mike,

My grandson has recently celebrated his 7th birthday, and I’d like to encourage his reading by giving him some comics.

There is one particular comic character I remember from my own childhood; a rough-looking young lad with a shock of spiky black hair, a pugnacious expression and a red-and-black striped jersey.

This young chap caused all sorts of trouble in his neighbourhood, shooting catapults and firing pea shooters at all and sundry.

He was always accompanied by his equally black and spiky dog, and his particular enemy
was a somewhat effete boy whom he would always attempt to humiliate.

Often he would get his just desserts and receive a slippering from his father, a rather severe character in a pinstripe suit.

I have a feeling this character may even still be going today, though some aspects of the
strip may have changed.

Please let me know the name of this character and the comic he appeared in so I may introduce them to my grandson in the hope he will enjoy them as much as I did.

Many thanks,

Dennis Cooper, Hove.

Dear Dennis,

Searching for the name of this character caused me no end of trouble, you “menace”, but, after much research, I can reveal that the character you remember so vividly is none other than Judge Dredd, from 2000AD.

Keep those letters flooding in folks,

Mike x

In & Out

In
• Car sickness
• Copper rheumatism bands
• Bloo loo
• Stamping your feet and blowing into your cupped hands theatrically when it’s a bit chilly
• Bulworth

Out
• Trainer socks
• When the Boat Comes In
• Exhaling and flapping your hands in front of your face theatrically when it’s a bit humid
• Wicked Willy
• Gruel

Follow me: @MitchellnNixon