Andrew Bullock: MIC-NYC 5
Andrew Bullock on the highs and lows of MIC in the Big Apple
Up on a roof somewhere, Proudlock is conducting a fashion shoot for his line of terrible t-shirts, awful glasses and horrendous earrings. He has hired Jules to be his photographer, and Jules’ partner in polyamory, Jana, to be the model. Proudlock takes the opportunity to psychoanalyse their relationship. Whereas a couple of weeks ago I had assumed that Jana was as up for the whole polyamorous thing as Jules was, Jules now explains that she used to have reservations about it. In other words, he forced her to do it. Poor, poor Jana. She is standing next to Jules, who she clearly is unhealthily in love with, holding back bitter tears of polyamorous regret.
Alik invites Wheeze to the Hamptons. As if by serendipitous cosmic coincidence, elsewhere Billie invites Binky to the Hamptons too. I must say, I was wondering when a trip to the Hamptons was going to happen.
This week, the token American sport that the producers have forced the cast to play is basketball. During a break from this, Jules declares that he “fancies” Wheeze and basically offers up poor, poor Jana to Spenny, as if she’s some prize cow at the village cattle sale.
Steph’s crystalline blue eyes glaze over with sad, sad tears
Steph is coming to town. Yessssssss! To surprise Stevie. Nooooooooo! Oh dear me. Stevie is now with Billie. Lucy meets up with Steph when she arrives and breaks the news to her. Steph’s crystalline blue eyes, that are like tiny lagoons of sparkling aqua, start to glaze over with sad, sad tears. She then asks if Lucy has invited Stevie to the cafe they are in. Of course she has, Stephanie. This is MIC, you know! Stevie comes in. I actually think these two genuinely love each other, as they stare at one another with the devotion of a thousand horses running through the grassy dykes of the highlands.
On the beach in the Hamptons, Billie grimaces with chagrin at the news that Steph is on the scene. At this point, Spenny and Jamie creep up on the girls from across the beach, like a pair of brothers who have previously had their names taken off the sex offenders list. That night, Alik has a little party with Wheeze and the other four Hampton attendants. He is one of these people who is constantly all over the person he is dating, to the kind of degree where you really do want to smack him in the face with the end of a croquet mallet. He finally gets her to himself by the remote control operated fire and tells her he’s falling for her. He does this by frowning and squinting a lot in an attempt to be sexy, but it actually looks more like he’s going to murder her and chuck her bloodied corpse into the pool.
Stevie meets Steph for a drink. She descends the stairs looking like a purple goddess. She is very moral because she insists that Stevie doesn’t do anything to hurt Billie, which sets a good example for the likes of polyamorous Jules and Jana. But then she sits on Stevie’s lap, so …
Next week’s predictions: Stevie will surely do something to mess up his relationships with both Steph and Billie; Jana will see the error of her ways and join a nunnery.
Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com
Follow me: @andrewjbullock
