Andrew Bullock: MIC-NYC 6
Andrew Bullock on the highs and lows of MIC in the Big Apple
It’s the last few days in NYC. Has anyone figured out yet why any of them were there in the first place? Me neither. This week’s attempt at asserting the boys’ masculine athleticism sees them on jet skis. We appear to have run out of token American sports to play, so now we have resorted to doing something that normally would take place on an all-inclusive holiday in Bermuda.
Steph is all a-glow about Stevie. She is gushing like a wayward sewage pipe. She explains to Lucy that Stevie is going to have a chat with Billie about it all and sort it out. “He would never lie,” says Steph. So, by the end of the episode, he will have lied.
Small Sam’s advice to Wheeze, in the impending approach of her trans-atlantic separation from Alik, is to “make him a collage”. Then he orders a great big banana (split).
Binky and Lucy meet up and slag off Our National Mother, Her Eminence The Statue Of Liberty. They’re all “she’s not that great”. Watch your tongues, you little madams. Will YOU ever have a 305 foot aqua-marine coloured statue erected on a private island, dedicated to YOU? Will you? I apologise on behalf of Great Britain, sweet sweet lady.
Amidst the lavender, Billie awaits Stevie, who arrives wearing a linen shirt the colour of sick. He lies to her about kissing Steph.
Jamie has spent $700 on a helmet that helps you not to lose hair. Let’s all take a second to mull over that, shall we…
“Steph is gushing like a wayward sewage pipe”
Alik and Wheeze are trying to recreate the pottery scene from Ghost, but with paint. He is all, “I can’t imagine not having you near me”, and, “you rock my world, sugar”. Hideous!
Hello? What is this? Proudlock and Lucy, flirty flirty on a roof? On Mark Francis’ boat party, Wheeze goes to kiss him and he leaves her hanging. You are SUCH a bitch, MF. Don’t ever change! Stevie is now wearing a tangerine blazer, which is not an improvement on the sick coloured linen shirt from earlier. It makes him look a bit like a sad reject from ‘OK Go’!
There’s a lot of banter about Jamie getting it on with Carson, but I’m not convinced it’s just banter. Just imagine – Carson with his eye tattoo, Jamie with his Peter Pan tattoo … they could take over the world!
Alik carelessly informs Jamie that Lucy and Proudlock have been hooking up. Jamie is furious and so confronts them. Turns out they HAVE kissed! Not once, not twice, but thrice! Three times a lady! Now, I hate to toot my own horn, but I predicted these two would get it on. They’re the only two who actually don’t see love and relationships as a dirty poisonous game.
Alik is standing at the stern of the boat with Wheeze, grabs her cheeks and says, “I love ya baby”. Everyone else gathers on the overlooking deck and cheer at the lovers. But this is a bad omen, let’s face it, seeing that they all did that to Lucy and Jamie at Christmas and then again to Binky and Alex last spring. And look where those relationships ended – in shattered yuletide dreams and adulterous fornicative orgies.
Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com
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